- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
You're currently in a state of intense dysphoria due to constant anxiety caused by constant ego dystonic thoughts. In more simple words, you've reached the "peak" of the pain intrusive thoughts can give you. Since ocd is basically a disorder that makes people self-destruct, it uses mechanisms that seem convincing to the point that it makes your fears appear completely true. It uses "proof" that is completely distorted and comes from unreliable resources.That "proof" it presents you with, has countless perspectives that are much more true than the single one the ocd has focused on. It basically gives you tunel vision, making you unable to see things from a different view. It will insist on what destroys your self esteem and serves its purpose. Sadly, the only solution to this, is not giving up. If you like women, then keep on liking them (or if possible date them) despite what the ocd says. Live your life as you want to, ignoring the mindless chattering of your meurotic brain. Be like "Sure ocd, I'm a gay person, whatever you say, now bye" and still do what you like. Accepting the thought doesn't mean you actually become the thought, no matter how real it "feels" and "seems". It's by no means easy, but is VERY possible. I've achieved it, even though ocd had almost lead me to depression. I'm still not completely healed, but I'm very close to recovery. This fight will make you feel hopeless because the recovery and release from pain starts out really small but eventually becomes bigger and much more noticable.
- Date posted
- 3y
I will respond to this properly tommorow. But thank you for the reply
- Date posted
- 3y
Ok hey, first thing I wanted to say is the proof ocd gave me througout the year of 2021 accompanied by massive anxiety attacks non stop daily seemed true, like it just explanined why I couldnt get a gf all these years and I was so awkward around them and that I actually never even felt true attraction or understood what attraction meant for women in the first place. At first I used to think this is by no means a normal discovery process or a healthy sexual identity developement but when the year ended it started making sense and i just couldnt deny those thoughts/proof/feelings. Now being straight feels impossible bc im gay, how can a gay person be straight? It actually feels like I was always supposed to be gay and just never noticed it and had I been born in a different culture id have found it out earlier in life. And around that time my depression began too which increased anxiety even more making me feel like im transgender or want be a woman. Do I like women? Idk, do i want to be with them? Idk I dont know anything except that im just gay and i dont know what to do, therapy seems pointless, i made another post a little bit ago and mentioned that in there if you could take a look at it. I dont know what to do, my brain is so fried, hurting and i literally cant think of anything else but this wont go away until I accept it and start acting on the gay thoughts and I think my mental health is getting worse just because im not acting or accepting on it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 There is one thing you can do: Stay with the uncertainty. It doesn't matter what you are, only what you'll want when the time comes. Labels are just labels. Be uncertain. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to get out of negative thinking.
- Date posted
- 3y
@LydiaK Lol how can I be uncertain when all I have is realizations and certainty thay I am gay now
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 by accepting this is actually not certainty. It may be true it may be not. Nothing is certain.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
- Date posted
- 16w
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
- Date posted
- 8w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
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