Im sorry for a long post but I'm very scared Prior to few weeks ago I didn't have any sexual thoughts regarding children EVER, and if I did then I really can't remember. But ever since I started worrying about the possibility that I might be attracted to them, I just felt severely awful. And it's getting worse and worse overtime. What started as just me worrying that I might be attracted to kids has now turned into a deep belief that there is a very dark and real part of me that is, in fact, a pedophile. I even started having intrusive but pleasurable fantasies about children and it's driving me absolutely sick. I really wish that it's just a very extreme form of POCD and not actually me turning into a monster, but with each passing day my hope is fading away, replaced with pure disgust in myself and unwillingness to live like this. Has anyone here ever went through something similar?

this theme is scary and hard. my best advice is to take some deep breaths. what’s helped me is to picture it as a tv in the background while you’re sitting in a bar (acknowledging it’s there, but not having to give it all your attention). you’re definitely not alone, and if you can put it on the back burner just for a little bit, even for 10 mins you can slowly focus your mind to the present moment. it’ll be there when you’re ready to deal with it, but you don’t have to engage. of course it’s easier said than done, but it’s a start. i’m not a therapist, but that visualization has kind of helped me.

I feel this way about harm ocd sometimes and it’s important to remember that adrenaline from fear can sometimes feel good. Like watching a scary movie right? It’s called misattribution of arousal. It doesn’t mean you actually like it, it’s just a psychological phenomenon. Try just accepting the thoughts I know it sounds crazy at first because it might feel like that means you like them but it doesn’t you’re just acknowledging them and then going about your day.

i relate to you! one day i just kind of had the thought, “what if you’re struggling in your relationship because you’re actually into children or something?” it was like a switch went off in my brain. i had no thoughts even remotely like that before, then suddenly my days were consumed with that thought. images, memories, things i considered “proof” from my childhood. i started looking at children differently, being overly cautious of them, feeling uncomfortable with them. i was convinced i lost my mind (because it truly felt that way!) you definitely aren’t alone! millions of people struggle with these thoughts & compulsions. i still have all these thoughts, but i try to treat them as any other thought. they aren’t good or bad really, they are just something the brain has put together. background noise really.

I'm extremely scared