I got some face cleansing stuff from my bf he’s known I have ocd but doesn’t really understand it even when I tell him stuff he still doesn’t understand it but I can’t use it it was just an astringent itd would’ve been easy to put on a cloth and a cotton ball cotton swab but I can only use the face pads I have I use to use proactive but then I got ocd and my mom would help me wash my face cause the 3 steps of proactive were to many rituals to do and then I got prescription face pads just little round things in a container I used those for years then for awhile I didn’t use them at all cause my ocd got worse and I just ran out and was barely functioning and didn’t go to the doctor to get the prescription but iseing these face pads made it easier it was just 1 step 1 ritual and when I kind of settled down a little bit from the worsening of my ocd I tried takeing care of myself and was very hesitant to by face pads from the store cause doing to the doctor every month to get the prescription was aggravating they use to give me 3 months at a time but they stopped that but I finally bought the ones similar at the store there a certain brand My ocd makes me hesitant towards new stuff and brands but I bought them and have been useing them in my dressing ritual for awhile now but that’s all I can use I can’t grab black head scrub and just grab a wash cloth and do my face all cause of years ago wit the proactive it was so hard and I get rituals and routines set I use the same brand of stuff and just have all these years to were now some things are ritualized on wat products and brands I use like my hair straightener I have a chi straightener I’ve always had a chi straightener I have thick hair and chis are really nice and hot it’s also got smaller plates that heat up at the end so I don’t think I could go use a cheap brand straightener and I don’t think I could use one wit the big plates just cause my ocd makeing these rules I don’t really realize I’m makeing these rules come times cause ppl find things they like and use them all the time but also if they ran out and don’t have something they could use other brands and other things till they got there certain brand and product of the thing so it’s very hard I hope I can get help soon nowere accepts my Medicaid in Tennessee so it’s been hard trying to even get help.

I know I keep talking about this and I swear I’m not trying to be annoying but over the weekend I had gotten some new Clorox wipes because I was running low on some at home. I noticed when I came home I still had 2 half full containers left. When I got home everything was fine until I accidentally knocked my setting spray off my bathroom counter. Now mind you I had 2 warts on my foot about 4 months ago and my ocd makes it worse by making me believe the virus is still on the floor. Immediately when it dropped, I cleaned it with a Clorox wipe. This is where it went down hill and my brain started to spiral. After disinfecting my setting spray, I started second guessing if the Clorox I used on it was from the same container I used for the shower floor. I usually wear gloves before getting a Clorox wipe and sometimes I don’t. I was trying to do “ERP” and instead of washing my hands 3x… I just washed it for about 5 seconds . I then put my lipliner and gloss on and now I feel like I contaminated my lipliner. I threw my lipliner in my makeup bag and my makeup bag has a blush brush , hilighter brush and some other makeup stuff. I just wanna throw that whole bag out now. It’s exhausting and this might seem dramatic but I couldn’t get out of bed because all I could think about was everything being contaminated in my bathroom. I leave for Florida in 3 days and I’m freaking out because everything isn’t going how I want it to. I’m just exhausted. I just bought some new Clorox wipes from Kroger and one of the Clorox dropped on the floor and now I think that’s contaminated and now I’m confused which one fell on the floor and which one didn’t. They were next to eachother and I forgot that fast. 😞☹️ Before going to Kroger I felt like god was talking to me or my intuition and telling me don’t get another one. So now my minds making me feel like it dropped on the floor on purpose. Idk know if it’s god talking to me or my ocd. I was sleeping all day because I don’t wanna get up and go in my bathroom and I don’t even wanna put my makeup on because I don’t wanna take a chance of getting a wart on my face. I never did a deep clean after my wart but I have used so much Clorox in the bathroom to just to dinsifect. I’m still nervous to even do a deep clean because I feel like I’m going to pick up the virus or bacteria. Also if there’s any Christian’s reading this I would appreciate just a prayer bc I’m tired and exhausted which I know seems funny from being in my bed all day. But mentally I’m exhausted. I don’t even wanna go to Florida anymore. I know the only way to get a wart is to get it from skin to skin contact. Oh! I almost forgot I had a dentist appt today and this girl was shadowing my dentist and she greeted me and shook my hand. It happned so fast. I didn’t go home right away and wash my hands and I’m freaking out about that too. I’m just overwhelmed . 😞 I know this was long and I appreciate you reading.

Do any of you avoid cleaning because it makes you more anxious? I haven’t worn any makeup on in awhile except for my eyelashes and lipgloss , but after keeping them in my makeup bag for too long I get scared. I dropped these Bobby pins on the floor the other day in my bathroom and mind u I haven’t done a full bathroom clean since I left for Florida on the 6th and I came back the 13th. The Bobby pins were still clipped on the paper package (if that makes sense) and I didn’t touch the floor fully but the side of my finger touched the floor. I don’t think I immediately washed my hands after but eventually I did. I ended up getting some lipliner from my makeup bag and I purposely didn’t overwash my hands bc I’m trying to be better about not excessively washing them. I feel like touching the floor and not washing my hands right away caused a flare up. I do wanna put on a full face of makeup but I’m scared that I’ll get a wart or an infection on my face. I know I’ve talked about this numerous amounts of times but I had a wart the first week of February and sometimes I feel like the virus is still on the floor. I haven’t soft scrubbed the floor but I’ve used a lot of Clorox wipes to wipe the floor. Like I said though, I haven’t washed my floors since Florida and I think it’s just anxiety. I’m trying to let my mind settle and doing the “maybe or maybe not methods.” I just feel like that wart on my foot traumatized me. I wanna empty all my makeup out … like all the brushes and even the bag. I know it’s such a waste of money but there are times I’ll go buy the same makeup brushes bc I’m scared to get it contaminated. Ugh and when I fo go out and buy them my ocd kinda flares bc then it’s saying “maybe someone returned this makeup brush and used it and your gonna get a wart that way too.” 😣 It’s like I can’t win. And then I think to myself, “am I gonna get punished or will something happen to me if I do get a new brush?” 😞 it’s very exhausting! Please any advice would help!

I can’t function. Everything I do is avoiding setting off my ocd. I stay up til like 5am everyday so I get time to myself where I know that my family is not doing anything, (I am severely set off by food and smells). Then I will wake up and straight away get up to go downstairs (after shifting towels that I use to block the gap from underneath my bedroom door and using my shirt to open and close my bedroom door). When going downstairs I have to leave my phone in my room or it will get contaminated. Once downstairs I can let my fam get food out and do anything that they need (breakfast/lunch), and the second they’re finished I must set a timer for 30min-2hrs before I can even consider going in my room. I can’t touch my drinks, opting for straws that I don’t touch once drank through. I can only sit on one couch cushion in my entire house, except bathroom and bedroom. I can’t touch food, I can’t touch cutlery (wrapping kitchen roll around the handle (eating burgers and pizza with a fork is hell)). I can’t touch the tv remote, or any family members except my dog. I can’t touch any door handles, usually using my foot or getting help from a family member. Every time I go into my bedroom I need to wash my hands at least 3 times before I even consider entering. If my parents cut the grass, I have to semi-suffocate under my bed comforter for the entirety of it and 2hrs after, then spray my room with disinfectant. If my door is open for a second too long or more than a crack, I need to spray (literally squeezing myself through the door every time) and must always block the door with towels. I can’t touch anything on my desk/sides/storage furniture except my mattress, blanket, clothes, and a single notebook that I disinfect every now and then. Multiple times a week I have to wash my phone (I know it’s really bad and I’m already on my second phone because of this, and broke my Nintendo trying to do the same). I have to do my makeup with a t shirt or smth separating my hands from the bottle. I can’t touch my cars seatbelt or anything in the car (had to forgo driving entirely for the past 4 months). I hate this so much and thankfully started Prozac last week, hoping it does something.