How are the other pocd sufferers on here doing? Update on my recovery- I finished doing an ERP script with my therapist on my false memory. I described the memory in detail in the script and the repercussions. I listened to it repeatedly every day for a week. At first it was very hard and I was very anxious because I felt like the memory was real, however I pushed through and told ocd ok maybe I did and accepted it. Right now my exposure is reading a triggering article on pedophiles right before I have to go change my patients diaper. The disturbing thoughts come, but I’m pushing through. Overall, ERP has been difficult, but I know I’m going in the right direction because now I spend less and less time rumination and I still have intrusive thoughts especially around my pediatric patients but I’m able to push through and live life with them. I’m enjoying life and actually enjoying things again The spikes still occur but I can deal with them easier Recovery is possible! We can do this! Xoxox

It’s been a few months since I’ve been on here and I’m happy to say it’s because I am pretty much pure o, ocd free! This app really did help so much! I want to share the things that helped me get a grip on ocd. I don’t want to use the words “recover or control” because ocd is a part of our brains but it doesn’t mean it has to be a distressing part. I had my first ocd flare up in Nov and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was crying and panicking almost every night for weeks, looking back I can’t believe I made it through the things I needed to do in life because I was a mess. But now I look at things like atleast I know what it is and how to deal with it when it comes. So here are my tips. 1. Reading about intrusive thoughts and pure o online and in books. I consumed as much knowledge about ocd as I could. 2. Starting erp therapy on my own and with a therapist. Though I do have a therapist to guide me 100% of erp is the work I put in. I would try all the recommendations of erp from accepting the thought, to making myself have the thoughts as practice, resisting compulsions, changing the way I reacted and thought about an intrusive thought, now this isn’t easy... but I did it all the time even when I felt the panic feeling and even when the ocd was strong, even when I didn’t believe it. I faked it until I made it 3. Practice is helpful, it took days of hard work especially in the first few months but that’s what I did, I considered every day, every intrusive thought as practice 4. Once I stopped the compulsions, (luckily mine weren’t very strong and I cut them off quick) I began thinking the thoughts that bothered me, and slowly added more disturbing content into my life (my ocd was harm ocd mainly) 5. I told myself that “yes that bad thought is real” and didn’t try to comfort my intrusive thought or push it away, if ocd said I was crazy and going to be locked in a facility then I agreed, I would say it in my head and sometimes out loud “yup your right ocd I’m crazy” 6. After acceptance and exposure I began working on being kinder to myself, I didn’t think that this step was crucial but it is.... ocd wants us to suffer and in a way it’s like by giving it power I wanted to suffer too, I told myself that ocd is a liar and I don’t want to suffer, it’s ok that I have ocd I accept it but now I must be gentle with myself 7. Learning to always default to these things when an intrusive thought happens, so much so that my brain does it naturally now ...a) hi ocd that’s cool but I’d rather not think about that and I continue doing what I’m doing, this is hard in the beginning but gets easier b) sure ocd I am definitely crazy but again I think I’d rather keep watching this show c) I am okay with the possibility of that happening but now is not the time for me to figure that out d) you are a liar and separate from me but thanks for the interesting thought ...8. Remembering these things: ocd is a liar, a thought isn’t sumthing u control but what u do with it is, if you don’t want to do something you won’t because of your morals and free will, this concept took me awhile to grasp but repetition is key. Almost everyone get intrusive thoughts so you aren’t unique or alone. I’ve learned through the ups and downs of erp how to combat my intrusive thoughts, how to be kinder to myself and how to change the way I think in order to live a better life. I still get an intrusive thought occasionally when I’m sticky but the way I think about the thought is so automatic now and so relaxed because of the work I’ve put in! If you are working towards erp don’t stop, keep going! I feel you, I know it’s hard and exhausting... 11 months ago I thought I was going crazy I was in the worst place of my life flash to today and it’s like I never even had ocd! You can do this I promise xx

i have worked with children for 10 years. they are so important to me and my life. i think they are amazing. i know this is why OCD decided to target this and make me feel afraid of what i love and am good at and value in life. i have become so terrified of sexualizing or abusing a child, which is of course what my intrusive thoughts are about. some are verbal, others are visual. they are all horrible and panic inducing. my POCD was triggered by a movie i saw about a groomer/sexual predator. i also have PTSD from child abuse, some of which was sexual in nature. i became so scared of hurting a child the way i was hurt after seeing something similar onscreen, and started getting the intrusive thoughts. i googled my symptoms, and was able to book a call with NOCD almost immediately, and get diagnosed/educated/start ERP therapy. when POCD first struck, i had to miss work, i was vomiting and having panic attacks and unable to function, i couldnt look in the mirror, couldnt eat and got so thin, i looked awful because i couldnt groom properly, i abandoned my social life, i nearly resigned from my teaching position, almost took medical leave from my day job, (i was able to keep both jobs thanks to treatment), i could hardly leave my home, i was contemplating suicide, or contemplating leaving my working/social lives and moving back in with my abusive family and going on disability and never speaking to anyone ever again. every day was anguish and horror and pain. now, just 1 month of meds and ERP later, I am able to eat, socialize, take care of myself, go to work, have a will to live, and recognize that these thoughts are not representative of who I am, want, or believe. I am doing so much better, it is shocking. a couple of my friends know about my POCD and have been so amazing and caring and accepting--i could not be healing the way i am without them either. i feel incredibly lucky to have found the help that i have. I still cry multiple times every day and fall victim to the thoughts. they are just so difficult to "accept." but i am getting there. day by day, i improve, but sometimes it is like two steps forward and one step back. it is all still so distressing. it's been helpful to focus on living my values and not letting OCD stop me from doing what's good and important for me. this includes working with kids and being around my friends, two things that terrified me in the beginning. i live with so much shame, and feel like i have a horrible secret. this has been the worst thing i have ever been through. i hope to keep getting better and to surmount this entirely. i have hope now, which i have come to realize is invaluable. and i hope this gives you some too.

Hi everyone! I've seen (and made) so many posts about the negatives of real event ocd and how it traps us, but I haven't seen many about people who have found recovery, so I wanted to mention my story! Not going to go into details on my event because I want to avoid reassurance, but I will say I had some events that caused me a lot of turmoil. I was constantly talking to friends and family, seeking reassurance, posting online, googling, making confession after confession, revisiting related events I had never thought about before, debating if I was overreacting or if I was a bad person, the works. And this was over events of which the most recent was a year before. It was bad, I am ashamed to say it but it was to the point I didn't know if I could keep going on with life because OCD had me so fixated on my shortcomings. It wasn't as if I had faced some tragedy I could overcome, or someone had wronged me, it was my "own fault" in my view. I would start each day immediately consumed with guilt and wondering if I wasn't really the person I thought I was, make it through my day, and then go home, breakdown and cry. Like every day. I had struggled on and off with ERP for a very long time. I constantly doubted I had OCD, thought I was just looking for excuses, and never really fully committed. After a particularly bad episode, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to move on so I truly committed to ERP. Every day, even when I didn't want to or had excuses. And surprise surprise, it worked. It's been a couple months almost of just being happier. The ERP has become a part of my life now, I don't practice daily anymore because it comes up naturally during my day. Whenever I have a trigger now I just go right to "maybe maybe not" out of habit. And now I use it for so many things that used to give me anxiety. Did I embarrass myself at the night out? Eh maybe. Am I a bad person for not telling this person all of my horrible thoughts? I dunno whatever, doesn't matter. I get anxious still, but I don't dwell on these unanswerable questions anymore. Life is a lot better now. I can't say I'm a perfect person, but I'm not afraid to move on anymore. I wanted to mention this because specifically with real event, I know it can be hard to let go since you feel like you have evidence against yourself. I don't know if this is wrong, but I will say that now that I'm not in a constant state of anxiety, the events I was worried about seem soooo much smaller. Were they my best moments? No, but they're not the world ending choices I was making them out to be. Not to reassure, but I just want to emphasize how OCD can really get us stuck in our own heads and distort things so much. We catastrophize, but really we are some of the most compassionate people. I feel lucky in some small way to be a part of the community here. So yeah, just wanted to say that even if it seems like you're going to be stuck on something for years, it WILL get better! BUT YOU HAVE TO PUT THE WORK IN!!! Best of luck to y'all and I am here for whoever needs it ✨❤️