i feel like ocd is turning me into a bad person and changing my personality, my mindset is so negative with nonstop intrusive thoughts

me too😞

what’s a back door spike?

@eimjin it’s constantly questioning if your were in denial this whole time or if youve been faking it etc. it’s ocds way of trapping you again when you’re on your road to recovery 😞

@Anonymous_234 omg yes i do that all the time, it feels so real and i’m scared i’m just becoming numb or okay with my thoughts or that i’ve always liked them deep down and it makes me so upset

@Anonymous_234 also sometimes i feel like i HAVE to act on my thoughts like there’s no way around it at all and it feels so convincing and it is so dreadful but then i’m like “do i actually enjoy that?” and sometimes it feels like i do and then i panic bc i thought that 😭

@eimjin yesss! that’s backdoor spike! it makes you doubt everything! it’s so annoying and gets in the way of you trying to recover from ocd, i broke down today bc my ocd doubt thoughts got so bad. it worries me because they feel so intense and real. i find myself having no emotions or reactions to my thoughts and it freaks me out, i also feel like im lying whenever i say im absolutely fucken terrified to ever lose control and possibly hurt someone. my thoughts have been convincing me im a bad person and that im using ocd as a cover up. i hate this so much.

@eimjin i feel you so much on the “feeling like you have to act on your thoughts” that’s the biggest fear for me. i ask myself all the questions you listed too😭😭

@Anonymous_234 omfg i literally am going through everything you just said like EXACTLYYY what u said 😭 and yeah i feel you :(( i break down nearly everyday now bc it’s just too much to handle. even describing how i feel rn my mind is like “but you know your lying rn right?” and it almost feels like an assurance of me liking me thoughts and omfg i am struggling my so hard rn :( i’m glad i’m not in it alone though and i hope everything gets better for you!! <33

@eimjin yes! that’s exactly what my brains been doing to me!! for some reason i can’t cry anymore and it sucks bc i feel like crying helps me release everything i’ve been holding in☹️ but we got this! we’re gonna be okay, i pray one day we all get better 🥺. also are you on medication? i had an appt today to possibly get on meds but i felt so judged by my doctors:/

@Anonymous_234 and we will get better!! even when it seems impossible we will get through it :)) and i’m not, i’m actually not even diagnosed with ocd so i still feel like that might not be what it is which makes me panic even more 😭

@eimjin you are NOT alone! I’m going through exactly what you just said & what Anonymous said. I’m still fighting but it’s extremely scary and it fills me up with fear. I can’t even look at my loved ones anymore. It’s getting so bad.

@Peter ! yes it’s really really hard :(( i hate that u are going through it too, it rly sucks. and same i get scared or anxious just being around my family now

@eimjin yes hopefully we can all get through this!! & it sounds like you’re the sweetest person who would never hurt anyone not even a fly so i think it’s forsure ocd trying to get to you!

@Peter ! i feel you 100%😞

@Anonymous_234 aww thank you so much <33 you seem very sweet also :)