I first got ocd when I was 14 15 years old I had alot of rituals and alot were visible I had alot of repetitive things I’d do so my family noticed something was rong wit me I was also takeing showers for 2 hours so I was taken up the bathroom I was doing rituals and doing them just rite I didn’t think I was dirty I just felt like I had to wash my body a certain way and I also counted it was just hard and my mom also washed my hair and my face when she could to help me not take so long getting ready so I could go to school none of us really new bout ocd and my mom took me to our family doctor and I guess he told my mom bout it and wat to do to help me I finally went to a mental hospital for a week they told us first time patients usually only stay a week which now that doesn’t make sense then I had to go again and staid for 2 months it was very scary for me cause the showering for 2 hours wasn’t allowed in the hospital cause the workers had to get all the kids in the showers I shouldve obviously been an acception considering I had no control over my shower time it could’ve been worked on and shortened but I couldn’t just take a normal shower cause I was being threatened I told the workers hysterically crying out of fear that I couldn’t do it that I had ocd they didn’t really care they were only there to babysit us so there job and go home no actually therapy and work occurred at this hospital so I sat for 2 weeks in the hallway wit the bad kids I ate breakfast lunch and dinner on the cold tile floor and wasn’t allowed to do anything I wasn’t allowed to tlk to anyone so for 2 weeks I’d just sit there nothing to do except sit I was being punished for my ocd so as a child I thought there was something rong wit me that was so horrible it needed to be punished I was already embarrassed and confused being young wit ocd now I was definitely embarrassed and scared to tlk bout my ocd cause even this mental hospital couldn’t help me so I isolated at the hospital and didn’t tlk to the staff I didn’t open up at weekly doctor visits cause I felt so disrespected and invalidated I wasn’t bout to share details of my ocd obviously they couldn’t help me noone there was qualified to assist me in my ocd I told them I had ocd I had rituals I did they wanted spacific details like exactly wat I did which was pointless to tell everyone there this information I have ocd and do rituals help me that’s it but noone liked that but I new the way I was being treated wasn’t rite I new that I was shareing enough information to get help and they just weren’t qualified but they gave me medication which helped I did somewat get better but also I didn’t have alot of different ocd subtypes at this time and I hadn’t ritualized some things yet but if they would’ve told me they couldn’t help and transferred me somewere for ocd then then maybe I wouldn’t be this way now when I developed different ocd and started doing more rituals here and there they kind of slowly crept up on me I could’ve had the tools to fite those urges instead of graduallay getting worse over the years I trusted the doctors and hospitals and therapists I saw for my ocd and thought I was doing wat I needed to get better but never really was getting better and was to scared to tell them this wasn’t working I’ve been on all kinds of medication and seen different doctors over the years and they were all the same cause they didn’t understand ocd they didn’t even no the way to treat it they didn’t have any respect towards me and just blew me off basically but now I’ve learned a little bit more that ocd is very hard to treat and requires it’s own therapy but now no ocd place accepts my Medicaid and it can only be used in my state and there’s no facility’s in my state.

My struggles with OCD began in childhood, but it wasn’t until after giving birth to my first child at 30 that I finally received a diagnosis. For years, I suffered in silence with intense anxiety, insomnia, and intrusive thoughts, but because my compulsions were mostly mental—constant rumination, reassurance-seeking, and avoidance—I didn’t realize I had OCD. I experienced Pure O, where my mind would latch onto terrifying thoughts, convincing me something was deeply wrong with me. After my son was born, I was consumed by intrusive fears of harming him, even though I loved him more than anything. Seven weeks into postpartum, I hit a breaking point and ended up in the emergency room, where I was finally diagnosed. For the first time, everything made sense. I didn’t discover exposure and response prevention (ERP) until years later when my son developed Germ OCD during COVID. I went through the program myself first, and it completely changed my life. ERP helped me sit with my intrusive thoughts instead of reacting to them, breaking the cycle that had controlled me for so long. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s so much better than before. I can finally be present instead of trapped in my head. Now, I’m working on trusting myself more and handling challenges without fear of “losing control.” As I prepare to help my daughter start therapy, I feel empowered knowing I’m giving my children the support I never had. If you know you have OCD but haven’t started therapy yet, what’s holding you back?

Last year during April I started to experience groinal responses when I looked at kids. I was terrified of what it could mean and decided to attempt two weeks later. The very next day I had those responses I decided to attempt. I didn’t really have the courage to do so at that time but I started experiencing images about disturbing things done to kids and as days went by it got worse. April 16 was the last straw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up in a mental hospital but before I ended up there I had searched up what I was experiencing. That’s when I started to understand that it was OCD. I felt relieved for a few moments until I felt the urge to get more information. I saw lots and lots of things and many comments saying that it wasn’t normal and that people who went through this were disgusting people who shouldn’t be allowed to roam free. That’s when my anxiety and fear became worse and I tried to get rid of it but nothing worked. I shook the entire time I was awake, I didn’t have motivation for anything anymore, I just felt so disgusting. In the end, I’m so glad I ended up in that mental hospital or else I wouldn’t be here with my friends and family. Thank you for reading my story, I’m so glad that I’m not alone

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.