Does paying attention to the thoughts count as rumination? I used to think that I ruminated and confused myself into thinking Im gay but now I believe It was just a discovery process. Bascially the entirety of 2021 I paid undivided attention to the thoughts and practically lived inside my head 24/7. I probably did also try to figure out the thoughts but I think I was genuinely trying to decode what they meant rather than as a compulsion, not sure and I started saying "Thats it, Im bi, Its over" anytime a proof came in my head, this went on for a while, and there were really specific proofs from earlier in life. I was also in heightened states of anxiety pretty much all day throughout the year. Now im at a stage where I believe/know my attraction to women was never real through these realizations and understanding of sexuality and attraction and that im actually gay. Heres an analogy, say person A does a job for a long time, they never question it and think their way of doing it is fine but then person B comes along taps on their shoulder and says "hey, your actually doing it the incorrect way and this is how its actually done" and then it dawns on A that "Oh shit this B is right, i was doing it all wrong this whole time" A is me, my job=sexuality/wanting a gf, B is hocd who came along to tell me I was doing it wrong this whole time chasing girls thinking I was straight and making me realize i never felt real attraction. There is so much more proof, sorry for typing so goddamn much but this is where I am.