Trigger warning I have scrupulousity and often when I actually am trying to pray for forgiveness I find myself thinking that I’m not being genuine. Sometimes I find myself doing compulsions and having intrusive thoughts while praying but I also feel like sometimes I pray more as a compulsion than rather a genuine prayer seeking God’s forgiveness.

Been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God. Then sometimes I’m really struggling and I feel resentful, sometimes even towards God, which I know is not right, I want to have reverence. But it feels like sometimes I think the blasphemous thoughts on purpose because of my anger. I don’t know if this is an OCD issue or an issue of my heart or both. But yeah I don’t know what to do.

I thought I was the only one who experience this kind of thoughts. I've been struggling intrusive blasphemous thoughs and sexual scenarios towards Jesus every minutes and seconds it so distressful to me. These thoughts inside my head also affects my church services as member of liturgical ministry during Eucharistic mass celebration. This lead me to asked myself "maybe I am bad person pretending to be a follower of Christ." Everytime I feel shame and guilt these thoughts much even getting worse. Asking myself several times "Am I going to hell? Am I mocking God? Am I experiencing a spiritual warfare or demonic attacks even I filled with the Holy Spirit? Am I committed a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? Am I suffering from a mental disorder?" These questions made me realize that this was just my thought and I found out from the internet that these intrusive thoughts are severe symptoms of scrupulosity OCD. I'm afraid to share this with my family and friends because I'm scared to be judge. My dear brothers and sisters of Christ I respectfully ask for your advices. Please include me to your prayers. 🙏

Hey, So whenever I pray, often I will end up not feeling genuine when I pray and I don’t feel God when I pray and then I panic and end up basically trying to force my emotions to “feel right” and I repeat my words over and over and over again. It’s so frustrating and I want to stop but it’s hard. Does anyone have any tips on breaking this?