I feel ungreatful alot cause of my ocd everything feels like it’s not good enough cause of my ocd if I was normal things wouldn’t bother me as much I need to wash my hands a certain way prior to do dressing showering and grooming hygiene stuff if the sink faucet is to close the the back of the sink I can’t wash my hands cause my hands will probably touch the sink and if I complain I’m ungreatful to even have a home if the layout of my place is hard to get from the bathroom to the bed so I can do my dressing ritual I feel ungreatful atleast I have a home I try not complaining but it’s not me it’s my ocd and then I feel like some of the places I’ve had to live noone should be able to live there cause it’s so dirty and has bugs but atleast I was able to change my clothes like I need to i feel like if ppl actually understood me it make it easier but even though I’ve told ppl they still can’t comprehend it so I still feel unheard and misunderstood I want to get better I’ve been better in the past but I no wit the rite help I can be better than that but now nowere accepts my Medicaid and it’s crazy to think just cause I’m not rich enough I can’t get help even this app I can’t get help from they don’t accept Medicaid and it’s 100 something dollars a visit I get ssi and make 533 a month I can’t afford to spend any of that so wat am I suppose to do keep suffering that just doesn’t seem fair and admitteing myself into a regular psychiatric hospital won’t help my ocd rituals and items I need for hygiene stuff I just can’t do in there and they don’t understand my ocd they don’t understand the reason I panick and cry cause they gotta go threw all of my clothes the clothes I so carefully keep packed to stay clean I so carefully get clothes out of when I pick clothes out all that carefulness waisted for some nurse to touch everything and cut all the strings off of wit scissors from werever they just give me anxiety meds and keep me in a room to deal wit it on my own I’m so tired I just want to get better when will money not be an issue when will insurance not be an issue wat has to happen for ppl to get help so death doesn’t seem like the only option to stop the suffering.