i was talking to my sister in the car about my current situation and i asked “do you think actual pedos have intrusive thoughts like ours and they just act on theirs?” and she responded with “no i think it’s their desire it’s what they want to do. but for you it’s different because you’re clearly in distress, you cry and panic everytime you have a thought. you think pedos think like you do? no they’re nasty.” and in a way i was like “you’re right i just struggle so bad sometimes, this convo might turn into a trigger later watch☹️” and she said it’s ok let it pass. it’s been like 30 mins and nothing has passed it’s still in my mind. i just don’t know how to release the thought:( i feel so weird for not panicking about what she said or the fact that i’m not worried in a way? im not sure i’m just so traumatized from my thoughts.

Today I had my first appointment with my new therapist in a clinic and she told me that my thoughts could be because of my past trauma and that it’s what makes most people pedos. I’m so in distress right now, I don’t want to hurt people but she made me feel like I’m disgusting

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.

Today has been really hard I feel like I can’t even breathe I feel like a pedo for real :( whenever i think during my alone time i try and coexist with it? but when i decided to think and think i panic and panic more and more i start feel more guilty guys I can’t take this anymore bc when I kinda feel certain it fades aways i think logically i know i probably am ok :( but it’s so scary for me what if i did actually act on the thought and I didn’t realize? And now reflecting it ???