Nice meme! *Warning* Negative vent incoming! I'm very confused with my ERP at times. We get unwanted thoughts that our therapists say aren't real, yet we need to agree with them as if they're real to build up tolerance to the anxiety, since OCD is chronic and therefore these unwanted thoughts never end. So I agree with the thoughts, my anxiety spikes, and I resist the compulsions as the anxiety taunts me like a schoolyard bully, then lingers, and eventually diminishes. So I now feel somewhat relieved and accomplished, focus back on my daily tasks, and BOOM - another unwanted thought pops in. The cycle starts all over. Around and around and around it goes, when it stops, I'll never know. It's very discouraging and obviously I'm doing something wrong, just not sure exactly what. When my obsessions pull me into an uncomfortable trance, does agreeing with it mean staying in that trance until it fades, or do I resist it? Is resistance a form of reassurance which is counterproductive for therapy? When the bad thoughts strike like an arrow in my gut and my heart aches as my eyes fill with tears, am I supposed to agree with this pain and uncertainty until it passes, or am I supposed to focus on my day like non-OCD people do and dismiss the sadness? Am I supposed to allow real emotion that comes from a fake thought? My therapist's main teachings focus on surrendering to OCD, and strict devotion to daily homework. I'm committed to both, yet it feels like I'm treading water. Maybe a part of me doesn't want to accept the fact that it's a chronic condition. Part of me is resentful because the unwanted thoughts aren't finite. They will never run out. So every time I seem to gain a step towards recovery, a bad thought pops my balloon and my hopes deflate. I guess there's a delusional side of my personality that keeps hoping the part of my brain that causes this torture will lose all power and vanish. It's like my own brain is a stranger that I can't control. A separate entity, if you will. Joker to my Batman. Newman to my Seinfeld. Lex Luther to my Superman. Nothing about this disorder or it's treatment makes any sense. In order to get better, you have to give up and let the bad guy win. I thought I was doing that, but recovery implies the disease is gone. Not so for us. It's always there. Lurking and waiting to strike. And the more frustrated I get, the stronger it gets. So what am I doing wrong? On one hand, I'm supposed to seek out the anxiety until it doesn't bother me anymore, but on the other hand, we must keep in mind the thoughts aren't real so we shouldn't give in to their power? It's like when you know you're having a bad dream but it still feels real. We have to learn to control some thoughts while allowing others. Sometimes I can't tell which is real and which is OCD. I'm so mentality drained, I can't think anymore. Hope this didn't bum you guys out, but I'm definitely lost at sea.