- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
That is probably the nicest thing I've ever read... and you're right. I guess I don't need them. I don't need to impress them, I don't have to worry about them. And yea I guess all I really need is myself. For me... I don't like people either. But I also want to socialize and do everything they do. And I guess I just want people to know I exist. I want everyone to know me for good reasons too. I try to help people and bring smiles to their faces. The most difficult part is though, I've been my own company my whole life. I have had friends here or there.... the reason behind that is everyone thinks I'm just an annoying, awkward, weirdo. And the friends I have now have been around for a while. But I still feel so isolated. Weither or not I'm around them. And For the last 2 years it feels like I have no choice but to be my own company. I've been trying to make myself a better person too. And it has worked. But there's still such a long way to go. Anyways... enough of my ramble lol. I want to thank you for that comment. It means so much to me. And the fact that there's someone out there that's kind of like me... blows my mind and gives me a little hope lol.
- Date posted
- 3y
@rmono I'm still going to thank you lol. š It makes me super happy that someone sees me like that. And right now I'm actually hanging out with my friends. I finally got myself out of my room after 2 weeks. I don't know what else to say. I guess I just have to be grateful for what I have in myself and with others. I'm grateful for you being able to understand. šš
- Date posted
- 3y
@rmono I'm going to continue to better myself and help others. Because that's what I know how to do best. I hope you're doing well also.
- Date posted
- 3y
@rmono Will do š
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
iāve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completelyš. i havenāt been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. iāve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldnāt leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking āim going to die one dayā āidk whatās going to happenā āis god realā āi donāt want to dieā āwhat if there is no heavenā and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like āomg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.ā finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad thatās over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts havenāt been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. iām still in college but i donāt know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i donāt want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i donāt go out, i donāt ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i donāt put in that much effort into school, i donāt have hobbies, i donāt want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im āokā now is bc iāve avoided literally everything. iāve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. iām not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. iāve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didnāt know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. iām definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i donāt experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything š. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i donāt have any libido, i donāt find ppl attractive, i canāt get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i canāt even get myself to go on a small walk. i donāt know where i was going w this but if someone whoās going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.
- Date posted
- 18w
iāve just been feeling so off lately. iām okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like thereās danger when there isnāt. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isnāt. and iāve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. iāve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and iāve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought āif people arenāt real then itās okay to hurt themā. it sucks because there are times where i just donāt even care to ruminate and find reassurance that thatās not the case. furthermore, iāve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where iām so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that iām a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when iām not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something iām worrying about. iāve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times iāve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously canāt. and itās been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when itās my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since iāve told her whatās been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and iāve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i donāt appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, itās so normal to me that iām used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that arenāt usually common for me, i freak out and feel like iām going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. iāve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didnāt get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like iām drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? iām scared something in me will flip and iāll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how yāall are doing
- Date posted
- 16w
Iām 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, Iāve been worried about where Iām going in life and if itās even worth it because I donāt know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my bossās side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my momās house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like Iāve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. Iāll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally Iāll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I donāt see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. āItās a waste of time.ā āYou need to be productive on your time off or youāll go nowhere in life so stay home.ā But then if I stay home itās āyou need to go out and do something.ā āYouāre being unproductive sitting at home all day.ā āSeeing them wont make you feel better, youāll never be happyā My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time Iād go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then Iād feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. Sheās helped me a lot, but lately weāve had a few issues weāve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. Iāve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. Iād had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasnāt afraid. I knew it wasnāt me. But lately Iāve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and itās made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. Iām handling it slightly better, but itās still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why Iām even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I donāt want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I wonāt be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while Iām stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but Iām trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving
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