Intrusive thoughts of looking up guys doing explicit things and it’s making me feel like I’m going to do it when I dont want to... 😞😞😞

Guys I just wanted to hang up and I was looking at pornography every time I was you know do it and I would get bombarded with thoughts I'd get overwhelmed with them like my mind is just constantly thinking of and it was just so hard infuriating I was looking at like anime pornography and Isaw one of the videos that looks familiar I watched it before but I remember they had like a underage anime character and then I clicked off it as soon as I saw them and my mom said oh you clicked it just so you can see that and what makes it worse is like pretty ejaculation already leaked out so now it feels like I did it i didn't even jerk off to you all I did was see the thumbnail and then I have thoughts like saying oh well might as well already get off to it when it wasnt the content I wanted to see I seen that the thumbnail before in the sight I just ignored it was focusing on the video I wanted to see for now I feel like i have to restart everything not only with the overwhelming thoughts but also my thoughts made it feel like I was actively seeking it like if I want my thought it was like oh you knew it was going to be there but u still click it anyway oh yes I had a feeling but as soon as I saw it I clicked off I don't know I'm just overthinking I guess and also like as soon as I saw it like my mind had a urge like might aswell get off to it finish it very hard I don't even remember how I climaxed I don't even know if I did it right but now I feel like I have to restart

are they truly intrusive thoughts or am i thinking and creating automatically graphic images that i dont want to think? i think it happens because it's too easy once you're anxious abt it. i dont enjoy it. i just saw a trigger and had a graphic disturbing se&ual image in my head.

When trying to find explicit anime stuff i enjoy, i keep stumbling across POCD related content I find disgusting and disturbing... but then i get this urge to click on it... when i do, im immediately disgusted and quickly exit out because I hate that content... it happened a couple of times tonight... i hate it so much... i feel like a bad person because of this... My POCD is labeling this as an unconscious attraction... chatGPT is saying this is morbid curiosity... i dont want to be attracted to men or kids... i dont want to be attracted or even curious about it... i just hope its not subconscious attraction, let alone any form of conscious attraction at all... im genuinely disgusted...