tw for generally being unwell . . . . i feel like i'm drowning in my brain. i want to isolate myself from everyone because i feel evil. everyone is so kind to me and i can't help but think if they only knew the vile shit that passes through my mind against my will they would understandably walk away. i feel like a liar. i betray people either way. either i confess and cause harm and betray all the love they choose to give me, or cut them off due to some weird effort to take responsibility for being intrinsically terrible and cause harm. or i take the love and feel unworthy. feel like an impostor. somebody exploiting. i feel so paralyzed and afraid and helpless and swallowed by my brain. i just want to love people. i want to be normal. i want to be good.