I’m starting clomipromin for my ocd that’s all the doctor prescribed be I have debilitating ocd I have anxiety that causes me to have anxiety attacks and panick attacks I’ve had to stop wearing bras cause I feel like I can’t breath they make me panick that I can’t inhale I’ve had episodes of gerd that I had no idea that’s wat it was when it was happening I thought I was haveing a heart attack and had to call ambulance several times and was in the hospital they did ekg cause of the symptoms I was haveing turns out it was gerd I also had vertigo which is also another thing you can get from anxiety and stress I get rashes on my arms and other parts of my body and get really itchy when I have anxiety I wake up wit panick attacks gasping for air i panick bout leaveing the house and doing anything I anticipate days I no I have to go somewere and takes me a lot of days to recooperate when I do leave the house I have depression we’re I don’t get out of bed I just sit on my phone I barely eat and drink I have to make myself get up to use the bathroom to sometimes I don’t eat till my ears are ringing cause I’m so hungry and dizzy I’m constantly up all nite for 2 to 4 hours we’re I’m just awake mind raceing bout everything like millions of things over and over I’ll have 1 thought then another than go back to the previous thought then get a new thought it’s like listening to a million different t movies at once just so loud it seems to much at once nothing I do brings me back out of that raceing mind stuff I can drown it out wit watching stuff on my phone and getting into movies and tv shows over the years all these issues have slowly gotten worse and now this is we’re I’m at it’s the most horrible feeling I no this is not me I no things could’ve been done to actually help me over the years doctors seem so uninterested in your issues and then scared to prescribe medications that work that are made for these reasons but cause they have such a horrible name on them there scared to prescribe it I think someone else telling someone there anxiety there other mental illnesses aren’t affecting them enough to need certain medications is rediculous and the only time I was prescribed anxiety meds haveing noticeable signs of it were when I went to the mental hospital and they actually seen that I was suffering they seen that I wasn’t functioning when a doctor only sees you for a little bit I feel like I need more medications but asking for anxiety meds makes me look like that’s all I’m wanting And also ocd is an anxiety disorder if you didn’t have anxiety you wouldn’t have ocd takeing anxiety medications to Maintain anxiety and lessen ocd things is wat I need just like I no I need an antidepressant for my ocd and depression I no wit everything in me I need help and wat I need I need therapy to I need to do exposure and response therapy I no I need inpatient care to I can ask for all those things but as soon as anxiety meds get brought into it your made to look like a drug addict I just wish things were easier.

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

I am having an appointment with my psychiatrist this afternoon and I am obsessing about what to do with my medication. I think it’s also very ocd like obsessing. I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine. Ive been on this for years (because of insomnia, anxiety and depression) (15mg) and after we tried to switch to another (amitryptiline) because of nerve pain, I went down the road of insomnia and later on ocd again. So I am back on mirtazapine, and weaning off of the amitryptiline. This is/was a very traumatic experience. Because the switch caused a mental breakdown. Now my psychiatrist has mentioned to up the mirtazapine to 45mg. And my obsessive self has done a lot of research and a lot is saying that the higher the dose, the more you can experience anxiety. And for ocd it’s obviously not the first choice. I am obsessing all morning about it. I am too scared to go up. But I am also too scared to try another and to wean myself of off mirtazapine. I feel stuck at this point. Taking two meds is also not something I want. I could really use some words of encouragement right now I think. 🥹

I can’t function. Everything I do is avoiding setting off my ocd. I stay up til like 5am everyday so I get time to myself where I know that my family is not doing anything, (I am severely set off by food and smells). Then I will wake up and straight away get up to go downstairs (after shifting towels that I use to block the gap from underneath my bedroom door and using my shirt to open and close my bedroom door). When going downstairs I have to leave my phone in my room or it will get contaminated. Once downstairs I can let my fam get food out and do anything that they need (breakfast/lunch), and the second they’re finished I must set a timer for 30min-2hrs before I can even consider going in my room. I can’t touch my drinks, opting for straws that I don’t touch once drank through. I can only sit on one couch cushion in my entire house, except bathroom and bedroom. I can’t touch food, I can’t touch cutlery (wrapping kitchen roll around the handle (eating burgers and pizza with a fork is hell)). I can’t touch the tv remote, or any family members except my dog. I can’t touch any door handles, usually using my foot or getting help from a family member. Every time I go into my bedroom I need to wash my hands at least 3 times before I even consider entering. If my parents cut the grass, I have to semi-suffocate under my bed comforter for the entirety of it and 2hrs after, then spray my room with disinfectant. If my door is open for a second too long or more than a crack, I need to spray (literally squeezing myself through the door every time) and must always block the door with towels. I can’t touch anything on my desk/sides/storage furniture except my mattress, blanket, clothes, and a single notebook that I disinfect every now and then. Multiple times a week I have to wash my phone (I know it’s really bad and I’m already on my second phone because of this, and broke my Nintendo trying to do the same). I have to do my makeup with a t shirt or smth separating my hands from the bottle. I can’t touch my cars seatbelt or anything in the car (had to forgo driving entirely for the past 4 months). I hate this so much and thankfully started Prozac last week, hoping it does something.