I’m starting clomipromin for my ocd that’s all the doctor prescribed be I have debilitating ocd I have anxiety that causes me to have anxiety attacks and panick attacks I’ve had to stop wearing bras cause I feel like I can’t breath they make me panick that I can’t inhale I’ve had episodes of gerd that I had no idea that’s wat it was when it was happening I thought I was haveing a heart attack and had to call ambulance several times and was in the hospital they did ekg cause of the symptoms I was haveing turns out it was gerd I also had vertigo which is also another thing you can get from anxiety and stress I get rashes on my arms and other parts of my body and get really itchy when I have anxiety I wake up wit panick attacks gasping for air i panick bout leaveing the house and doing anything I anticipate days I no I have to go somewere and takes me a lot of days to recooperate when I do leave the house I have depression we’re I don’t get out of bed I just sit on my phone I barely eat and drink I have to make myself get up to use the bathroom to sometimes I don’t eat till my ears are ringing cause I’m so hungry and dizzy I’m constantly up all nite for 2 to 4 hours we’re I’m just awake mind raceing bout everything like millions of things over and over I’ll have 1 thought then another than go back to the previous thought then get a new thought it’s like listening to a million different t movies at once just so loud it seems to much at once nothing I do brings me back out of that raceing mind stuff I can drown it out wit watching stuff on my phone and getting into movies and tv shows over the years all these issues have slowly gotten worse and now this is we’re I’m at it’s the most horrible feeling I no this is not me I no things could’ve been done to actually help me over the years doctors seem so uninterested in your issues and then scared to prescribe medications that work that are made for these reasons but cause they have such a horrible name on them there scared to prescribe it I think someone else telling someone there anxiety there other mental illnesses aren’t affecting them enough to need certain medications is rediculous and the only time I was prescribed anxiety meds haveing noticeable signs of it were when I went to the mental hospital and they actually seen that I was suffering they seen that I wasn’t functioning when a doctor only sees you for a little bit I feel like I need more medications but asking for anxiety meds makes me look like that’s all I’m wanting And also ocd is an anxiety disorder if you didn’t have anxiety you wouldn’t have ocd takeing anxiety medications to Maintain anxiety and lessen ocd things is wat I need just like I no I need an antidepressant for my ocd and depression I no wit everything in me I need help and wat I need I need therapy to I need to do exposure and response therapy I no I need inpatient care to I can ask for all those things but as soon as anxiety meds get brought into it your made to look like a drug addict I just wish things were easier.

I’ve been through a lot of trauma the past few months and years and had an anxiety breakthrough where I can’t stop having panic and anxiety attacks. I used to be a horror movie addict and one night during an anxiety attack my brain went “Kill your sister” My sister is my whole world. It all went downhill from there. I can’t even be around her when were home alone anymore. Every single day since then my brain is trying to tell me a bunch of different ways to harm her. Its getting to a point where its involving others now. “Kill your sister.” “What if you finally go back to your boyfriends house and kill his family?” “What if you kill mom?” “Kill that lady walking down the aisle at work.” “What if you killed yourself?” “You’re a bad person for thinking all of this.” “You shouldn’t be allowed to sleep, eat or relax. Bad people don’t get to do those things.” “These thoughts are in your head 24/7 because you WANT to do these things!” Its causing me so much anxiety and racing thoughts and I don’t want to become anymore depressed. SSRIs dont work. My doctor wants me to go on antipsychotics but I’m afraid to and I feel like I don’t actually need them and it will cause more damage. My goal is to become the person I was before all of this. Not to change completely. I tried buspirone once and I stopped due to increased health anxiety and often found myself saying “remember when you wanted to kill your sister?” and then brushing it off. It helped in some sort of way. I was only on it for a week. My whole life has changed since then. I dont go to my boyfriends house anymore, I dont see my friends, I can’t play video games anymore. All I do is ruminate and I cant stop. I cant even hold a conversation anymore. The compulsions are horrible. I’m so scared that theres no coming back from this. Its all adding to the anxiety that I don’t want to become severe depression. I just want to be me again. I’m starting off ERP and if it doesn’t work I dont know what to do. Can someone please tell me they have been through similar and have gotten better. I just need to save my life. Its getting to a point where this is convincing me this is all real and its going to happen and that im gonna become a psychopath. Its been going on for 3 months. I used to be so bubbly and happy!! (I am not schizoaffective)

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…