I’m really struggling and need to vent. I met this guy, he seemed to be what I wanted. He told me from the first day, guys and girls can’t be friends - I have to stop talking to my guy friends. For example, I have had a guy friend for 5 years and we did kiss, but have been friends since then. He told me I can no longer speak with him. The issue is, this guy friend has been friends with my entire family for over 5 years (comes to bday parties, Christmas stuff, he works with my brother in law, is like an uncle to my niece, etc. i see him as a friend only, but this guy I met says that I can’t even say hi to him at a family party - he expects me to just walk away. This guy and I also are not dating, just been talking for a few weeks (3 weeks). He really cared less to make time to see me, I’ve only seen him twice in the past month. Granted he’s been busy working and traveling, but he doesn’t make set in stone plans - I just get “maybe I’ll want to hang out, maybe I won’t - I just don’t know” in my head, I’m like ok this guy doesn’t care. There are other things that have happened, but the point is. I ended up seeing my guy friend of five years, hanging out with groups of guy friends and girl friends, etc. and I lied to him about it. I ended up telling him and he FLIPPED out on me. Calling me disgusting, karma will get me, a hoe, etc. i did not hook up with anyone, I just hung out with people who were guys - one of them being a good guy friend for years. He ignored me for two days then finally answered me and told me to text my guy friends to never contact me again and to leave me alone. I tried to explain to him that he never made me feel as though he liked me, so I thought he wasn’t interested. He said my feelings don’t matter. I’m trying to work it out with him, but I feel so so guilty and like a shitty person for even lying. I’ve never lied like this before, I’ve always been honest and up front. I was so afraid of losing this guy I had just met, but also felt as though I couldn’t cut off my life the way he wanted me too. I feel awful, guilty. He told me to prove to him I am going to change and MAYBE we will have something. But, I feel as though the best thing to do it just let him go.

♦️Long post alert!!♦️ I had been meetin a guy for 1 year, meeting in the sense- we had regular chats on messenger, sometimes we had coffees and meals together at restaurants. We attended the same university club, so we had meetings and conversation there as well. Thus we grew quite close relationship, however none of us expressed our feelings yet. At the end of that year, analyzing all his behaviours, treatments towards me, my friends and even his friends-it seemed I won't like to extend this relationship into a committed one. I mean though I had grown lingering feelings towards him, I would stop it here and won't let it rise anymore. I guessed reducing chat and not meeting him often would make him distant from me. I knew he will definitely inquery me of what's the matter, what's wrong with me. But i didn't want to mention his shortcomings are the reason for it because I didn't want to hurt him or loosen up his confidence. So I was looking for an excuse which will be believable as well as not realated to him. Luckily i already had a valid reason, which was not related to him too. I was going through a big OCD relapse. At that time I really wanted to keep myself distant from anyone around me. I didn't want to talk to my friends either. So,I put forward this reason for not wanting to talk much often like before. But he was overwhelmed by my sudden change of behaviour. May be he had sensed something is off. It's not all about my OCD relapse. However I avoided chat with him as much as possible for the next 1.5 years (2020 and 2021). Not meeting him physically was also easy since it was covid and lockdown period. But suddenly one day he posted a very heartwrenching poem where he described how much he was missing me and suffering from the distance. This triggered immense guilt within me for raising his hope once (by doing all those flirty conversation over the last year). I was engulfed in the thought how I can make him move on and free from the feelings towards me. And what seemed a good way at that time was,to make me a 'nasty person' before him. So I told him, all those flirty talks that i used to do 2 years ago was because I wanted a casual relationship, nothing serious. I wanted physical relationship. But when i understood you were not after physical relation, rather you were searchin for true love, i discontinued to flirt with you, stopped talking in a cheesy way. He was in utmost shock, don't know how much of his feelings has been decrrased towards me, if i am successful or not. 2 years have passed since I told him those words. When I shared this story with one of my former therapists (not from NOCD), se told me,"Your lies would imply to him that, girls won't love him if he doesn't offer them sex. So in his further relations he might pressurize the girl to initiate a physical relationship. You need to tell him the truth that you had feelings for him but later you felt he is not the right person". This words have come as a terrifying fact to me.on one hand, I don't want any girl to be abused by him when i am the person who is the root cause behind this abuse.. Because I am the person who implied some false messages (though unintentionally) to that guy. I really don't want that. On the other hand, it's already been about 2 years since i told him those words. If i again tell him, those were lies too, now this is the truth that I had feelings and all that... he won't stand still. He would get another shock and i will be embarrased horribly. Also i am confused, whether my words really imply to a boy that girls won't love him if he doesn't involve in sex? Do my words invoke abuse by hin to other girls? I just wanted to make myself a nasty girl to him, don't my words imply this?

Hi, friends. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a long one. Friends and family have tried to help and give me advice, but they don’t truly understand how OCD/ROCD disrupts me from thinking logically. Quick back story: I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who I liked enough, but was never truly “in love” with. We bought a house together and everything. I broke up with him in January 2024 after learning that he had been lying to me and hiding multiple substance addictions throughout our relationship. He was also a compulsive liar. Needless to say, I was left in shambles with a ton of trust issues and a mortgage that I couldn’t afford alone. Flash forward to October 2024: I was unexpectedly setup by someone and ended up going on a date with a divorced 38 year old, I’m 30 for reference. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere and we were both the first person the other dated since ending their previous relationship/marriage. Plot twist….I fell absolutely in love with this man. I mean, getting excited to go to bed because I knew when I woke up I could talk to him again in love (🤮). Lame, I know. He said he loved me very quickly after a night of drinking, but the next day made it clear that “I know I was drunk, but I know what I said and I meant it.” Things progressed, we spent a lot of time together very quickly and there were a lot of big feelings. Things were fantastic and I felt like I was living in a movie. Now, here we are 5 months later. I’ve learned that he is definitely an avoidant, which is tough because I have an anxious attachment style. He’s stopped saying the cute things he said in the beginning, and I know that people will say that was the “honeymoon phase” but I still feel just as happy and excited to be around him as I was in the beginning. He’s been pulling away and said that he does love me and wants to be with me, but he needs to work on himself first. I ended up breaking down and telling him everything I was feeling and everything that was upsetting me. He was taken back, but said that he hears me and that everything I’ve said is extremely valid. He said he didn’t realize that I felt that way and he’s sorry. We took a few days to collect our thoughts and process, finally seeing each other again last Friday. When we saw each other we had an open and honest talk. He said that he has noticed that he’s repeating things he’s done in past relationships and that he doesn’t want to do that with me, he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he wants to be together and that he sees a future with me, but he just needs a minute before he can “fully commit” I.e. introduce me to any more of his friends and family. I’m completely lost. I want to be with him more than anything. I respect that he recognizes a pattern and his detrimental behavior and I’m willing to meet him where he is. But at the same time, should I have to try so hard for someone to love me? I don’t want to lose him, but I cannot lose myself again either. I’m torn between “the right person will do what it takes to be with you” and “if they aren’t giving you what you need, walk away”… I know this is long, but if you made it this far, any and all advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!!

Feeling so devastated. I need advice. I have a really great co-worker/friend that I have known for two years now. We have become great friends over time. Today, I came back to work after a two week vacation and was so excited to see all my co workers again (him being one of them). I said hello how are you etc in the way I always do and he immediately said hi! Your face looks chubby. I was taken aback because this is not how you want your face to be described. But I kind of laughed it off and said lol that’s not a compliment. He said he meant it in a good way and that we were friends so he thought I would understand. I again am still laughing and as we were talking about this, a newer co-worker came over to chat. I said to her “would you want your face to be called chubby?” And she said no that’s not nice for a girl to hear even from a friend. She then walked off to go serve a table. Keep in mind I was giggling the whole time because my co worker thought that word was a compliment. I wasn’t actually mad. I brought in that other co worker to confirm what I was saying. Kind of like a hey you see it like this too right? Type of scenario. My coworker/ friend then proceeded to essentially go off on me. He was so angry that I would embarrass him like that and say those things in front of the new coworker. I wasn’t actually mad completely shocked. I was the one who was originally insulted and I was just trying to make the situation light by talking about it and laughing and he competently got so angry at me. I said wait whoa it was just a joke and he said well it didn’t fucking feel like it and then walked away. He then proceeded to talk to my other co workers about it essentially saying “why would she say that. She made me look so bad that was so embarrassing. Etc.” He hasn’t spoken to me since. I am so hurt and anxious by this situation. I hate to be ignored and I hate conflict. I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong however. I feel awful that I made him feel embarrassed but his reaction to me was just so upsetting. He has never snapped at me before. We have never had an issue and have always been so understanding. My feeling is that he probably has a crush on this girl and felt embarrassed that he said something mean and now feels like he has no chance with her? Idk. That’s one guess. I want to apologize because I hate not talking it out and not being able to explain myself but I always end up apologizing for things that are not necessarily my fault. I just want to break the silence because it’s so uncomfortable. It’s almost a compulsion. But I am trying to stand my ground and be strong and not go into a rant about how sorry I am etc. when he was the one that made a rude comment to begin with. I would love someone’s advice on this and what I should end up doing. It’s just hurts so bad right now I have been ruminating over this all day. I can’t think of anything else.