I’m really struggling and need to vent. I met this guy, he seemed to be what I wanted. He told me from the first day, guys and girls can’t be friends - I have to stop talking to my guy friends. For example, I have had a guy friend for 5 years and we did kiss, but have been friends since then. He told me I can no longer speak with him. The issue is, this guy friend has been friends with my entire family for over 5 years (comes to bday parties, Christmas stuff, he works with my brother in law, is like an uncle to my niece, etc. i see him as a friend only, but this guy I met says that I can’t even say hi to him at a family party - he expects me to just walk away. This guy and I also are not dating, just been talking for a few weeks (3 weeks). He really cared less to make time to see me, I’ve only seen him twice in the past month. Granted he’s been busy working and traveling, but he doesn’t make set in stone plans - I just get “maybe I’ll want to hang out, maybe I won’t - I just don’t know” in my head, I’m like ok this guy doesn’t care. There are other things that have happened, but the point is. I ended up seeing my guy friend of five years, hanging out with groups of guy friends and girl friends, etc. and I lied to him about it. I ended up telling him and he FLIPPED out on me. Calling me disgusting, karma will get me, a hoe, etc. i did not hook up with anyone, I just hung out with people who were guys - one of them being a good guy friend for years. He ignored me for two days then finally answered me and told me to text my guy friends to never contact me again and to leave me alone. I tried to explain to him that he never made me feel as though he liked me, so I thought he wasn’t interested. He said my feelings don’t matter. I’m trying to work it out with him, but I feel so so guilty and like a shitty person for even lying. I’ve never lied like this before, I’ve always been honest and up front. I was so afraid of losing this guy I had just met, but also felt as though I couldn’t cut off my life the way he wanted me too. I feel awful, guilty. He told me to prove to him I am going to change and MAYBE we will have something. But, I feel as though the best thing to do it just let him go.

Lms526

Date posted: 3y

This guy is bad new. He sounds controlling and abusive. No one has the right to tell you who you can and can't hang out with. There are a ton of red flags on what you wrote, but the biggest one is when he told you your feelings don't matter. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This guy has shown you who he is and its not good. You need to cut of all contact with this guy ASAP

Nae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

It’s so tough because ALL I can think about is how I lied. Like, I lied and that cancels out all my feelings. I’ve never lied like this, but I was so afraid of him being angry with me. I just wish I felt as though he did like me when I would ask him. I would ask him “hey do you like me?” Etc etc and sometimes I wouldn’t ever get an answer. :( now he says he hates me. But sometimes he calls me and is all nice and the end of the convo he says “by the way, I still don’t like you at all”

Nae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Also, thank you for the response.

Lms526

Date posted: 3y

@Nael You are way overthinking this. I have dated guys like this before. Someone who truly cares about you would not treat you this way. This guy is manipulative and controlling. What he is doing is abuse. I promise you it will not take long for it to turn physically abusive. It doesn't matter if you lied.

Nae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@Lms526 You’re right, I need to figure out how to see it from another’s perspective. It sucks because I fell for him, despite seeing the red flags. And hurt a lot of people who have been in my life for a long time.

idkausername

Date posted: 3y

I know this may be hard to hear, but this guy is bad for u. He does not have the right to control you like this. I know its hard but please get this toxic man out of your life and block him, you deserve the best sweety<3

Nae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

All I can think about it what if I’m in the wrong for lying like that. I should’ve been honest from the beginning and not have done that.

Nae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

But thank you

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