I’m really worried. This past month instead of feeling scared and doing my endless compulsions I’ve just felt completely numb to my long-distance boyfriend. It’s like I don’t care about him or like I’m not attracted to him at all anymore. A month ago he said it was okay if we stopped doing intimate things over the phone because it makes me so anxious and now I haven’t wanted to at all. It’s not that I don’t love him or want to do stuff, it’s just that I spend all of it testing my attraction to him and it takes out any pleasure. Also sometimes in the past when I’d look at him I’d “force” myself to feel attraction but it’s not that I’m not attracted to him, I just don’t get aroused just looking at him. Well I can sometimes if he’s doing things for me I actually like that but not a lot because of my intrusive. Now it’s been a month where I look at him and don’t feel anything and I’m so scared. I also don’t feel desperate to do my compulsions to make sure I still love him. In fact, I’m exhausted from them and want nothing to do with the anxiety so I feel like I’m just talking to a friend but that still terrifies me because I still very very badly want to be romantically and sexually attracted to him. But I know that the more I chase it the more anxiety it’ll bring so instead I just let myself be numb to him and it’s scary because I don’t want to be numb. I’m also noticing every single guy and wanting that attention but I don’t want anything romantic or sexual, I just struggle with male validation and I want to be seen and heard because I feel so alone right now. I feel so guilty for feeling that way but most of all the reason I feel so far away from my boyfriend is because I feel like my thoughts make me so worthless of him. I feel like I don’t deserve him and that my thoughts aren’t his problem and he should be with someone who can be happy with him without being afraid. I feel like all I do is hurt him and I feel so scared and worried that I’m not sexually attracted to him or that I’m forcing it because I don’t get instantly aroused looking at him and because I have anxiety around sex that makes it hard for me to enjoy it. I feel guilty that I can’t enjoy our happy moments or be present in our relationship and it makes me so numb to him and that’s what causes me so much pain that I feel shut off. Because I want to love him and be with him, I want to be confident in my attraction to him and I want to see him and just have that feeling of rightness. I’m also getting ready to go to college and I’m becoming more independent and it makes me feel guilty too like im moving on without him but I don’t want to. Is this part of rocd and soocd as well? This horrible numbness ?

I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.

Today, my boyfriend — who usually doesn’t post much — made a really sweet TikTok with me. He used a trend where he called me his princess and posted it on Close Friends. It was thoughtful and loving… but I felt nothing. And that terrified me. Last night, I looked at him while we were lying in bed and had a thought: “I lost feelings. I don’t like him anymore.” It hit me like a wave, and since then I’ve been so scared that this is all the proof I need that I don’t love him. The worst part? I’m not feeling any positive emotions at all. No joy. No spark. No connection. I’ve been trying so hard for so long to feel something — anything — and I just can’t. I’m scared that the numbness means the love is gone. I’m scared I never truly loved him. I’m scared I’ve just been coping all this time, forcing it. I feel like the relationship is fake, like I’m fake, and everything is falling apart. And still… he keeps showing up for me. He’s loving, kind, and consistent. He tells me how much he loves me. But I can’t feel the warmth anymore, and I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m miserable, I feel like a shell, and I’m terrified that this is my truth — that I don’t love him and I’m just in denial. I need help. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living in this constant fear, panic, and emotional numbness. I don’t know what to trust anymore — the thoughts, the feelings, or the memories that feel blurry. Has anyone felt this too?

I have had ocd in my relationship for a while now. When I originally met him it was like this insane spiritual soulmate feeling and we just clicked instantly and he never judged me. I’m scared cause when I picture breaking up with my boyfriend I see myself being ok and being sad but moving on which I never was able to see before doesn’t this mean that this is what would happen or I don’t know till it happens? I still can’t imagine what life would be like without him but I just feel like I have lost feelings that I never wanted to lose. plus that’s also when I just picture knowing how people move on and how I’d just have to move on without letting myself picture processing the losses of all. I’m just really scared cause I used to think of wanting other things in someone else and what it would be like but I just thought how nice it would be to have it and not actually meaning it bc every time I thought about it I got upset and now it feels diff. He knows I have ocd but I never explained the ROCD because I thought it would have offended him so every time I went through a flare up I never told and acted like I was fine and it kept happening and OCD kept getting worse and worse. Maybe that’s part of the issue cause I haven’t been feeling like myself. But this is a feeling I never wanted to feel ever with him. I have gone through the feeling of numb but not like this. And he has a lot of positives but I can only see him overall as negatives and I’ve been told that’s ocd but it’s affecting how I feel. And yes there are legit actual things in the relationship that upset me but ocd has been affecting the way I look at him also. I keep being told my judgment is being impaired but this time it rly feels like not. And I’m Scared why don’t memories and things affect me like it used to doesn’t that mean I want this. Has anyone experienced this or is this the end 😭