i want a normal life it’s really weird thinking about how my life will probably never be the same. i think there is a possibility that i’ll be healthy and recovered at some point, but still, i feel that i have to go through a lot to get to that point. i want to have normal days. i want normal weeks, months, years. i want a normal life. i want to wake up and have my head fully focused on whatever i want to and wherever i’m in life instead of thoughts that just don’t feel like me and are just haunting me, everyday, almost all the time. like this is not even a choice, i have to go through this every freaking day, i can avoid them, yes, i can pretend they’re not part of my life, yes, i can ignore them, yes. but that doesn’t make them go away or just not be there. gosh i’m tired.

I freaking feel you! The worse part is a genuinely don't know if my ocd thoughts is true or not like it will always be a possibility and i don't know how to exist normally in this uncertain world, I can't trust anything at this point it's brutal.

ugh the whole possibilities thing—so scary!? —and not knowing, or simply not having a straight answer feels just endless. this whole thing has made me so scared of everything. like seriously, i’m so scared of the future and not knowing if these thoughts are true or something, i feel so stuck and lost

totally get you btw^

@professional anxious overthinker Yes! I don't know how to live without knowing for sure this horrible scenario isn't secretly true yet there's no way to confirm that is good enough. I feel so alone and trapped in desperate for some connection yet this is what ocd attacks so I can't even believe that connection is real it's a disaster.

@starboiklem i feel like my whole thing is a cycle, i could be just fine, still having those thoughts but like, not fully feeling them, if that makes sense. like they crossed my mind and that was it. the usual thoughts just not causing any attacks or anything. other days it’s like mood swings. this used to be me everyday during december. my alarm would go off and i haven’t even opened my eyes when the thoughts were already there, absolutely awful mornings, then suddenly nice and surprisingly calm afternoons, terrible nights once again. then there’s the attacks. just straight up awful. not feeling like myself at all, i feel stuck, the voice in my head that says the thoughts just gets, not louder but more noticeable, like the thoughts take too much attention and i feel so lost. but you know, it’s gonna be like this anyway. it can always get better but it does not seem to be soon yet🤷‍♀️

@professional anxious overthinker This actually makes me feel really good and hopeful because that's exactly what happens with me as well. For around 5 months i had mild symptoms where the thought were at the back of my head sometimes with small spikes but nothing crazy, then suddenly a week ago i had a severe mental breakdown where i was begging and pacing around even hitting the floor and feeling extreme suffering and anxiety, and this went on for 5-6 days so yeah i feel u. When i get a horrible breakdown i feel like i will never be okay again like ever, even tho i had breakdowns a couple of times and it gets better, still i always feel THIS time im done forever while having a breakdown.