Anyone else feel like a thought is screaming at them so hard to admit that it’s right after being triggered by a thought or image and you kind of do but then also know it’s not true in the way it was trying to mean it to be? And you were only saying it/thinking it to make it go away? And also sometimes don’t know what’s real and what’s not? I hate myself.

Hi! Remember, a thought is not a prediction, instruction, or call to action. Thoughts just appear. Keep in mind, the presence of an anxious thought doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. When you try to analyze the thought or guess its origin/meaning, you are falling in the ruminative trap. It's important to keep in mind that OCD's nickname is "the doubt disorder". The best way to combat OCD is to practice ERP. Something you can try: when an OCD thought comes up you can say “Oh wow, there goes that thought again. It’s really bothering me.” By doing this, you are using language to distance yourself from the bothersome experience. The more you do that, the more natural it will become over time. I highly recommend The OCD Answer book by Dr. Patrick McGrath if you haven't read it yet. OCD can be so difficult to deal with, it's important that we stay compassionate to ourselves. Here's somethings you can say to yourself when things are hard: "I feel sad and angry that I have OCD. I am sure everyone often feels this way at times. May I be gentle with myself and honor how hard this is." Kimberly Quinlan "Recovery entails accepting the presence of thoughts, not accepting thoughts as truths" Lauren McMeikan If you are to use fear as a criteria, an OCD life is more abundant with fear than a life where you accept uncertainty. Have you done ERP/worked with an ERP therapist yet? It might also be helpful to check out NOCD's support groups just to know you're not alone. https://www.treatmyocd.com/support-groups