I can’t take it anymore I was never particularly religious but I’ve been driving myself to a breaking point. I keep breaking down and crying because every single daily activity takes so much energy out of me because of these OCD things that my brain makes me do. Anything I hear, see, or think of that is negative to Christianity makes me stop what I do and restart it such as walking into a room or picking something up or getting into my car. If I feel A stimulation in a body part that I deem negative while thinking of something positive religiously it also makes me want to restart or apologize even though I’m not really doing anything wrong I simply noticed a body part on my self. I have intrusive thoughts about negative Christian things, and even though I know they’re intrusive thoughts and they don’t mean anything because I don’t want them there they still bother me a ton. If I see anything such as numbers that I deem negative or anything that the church would disapprove of such as the opposite of Jesus or the opposite of Heaven I am terrified and I feel the need to correct it by either seeing a cross or a picture of Jesus, or writing words such as “Heaven” or “Jesus” in my phone and looking at them, or by asking for forgiveness. I never particularly followed the faith to an extreme, I never really went to church a ton, but I did pray at home for the last two or three years. In the last two months have been this awful OCD stuff. There’s plenty of stuff that I know isn’t wrong, and is natural such as masturbation and sex. Even though I have participated in stuff like this before, and I want to again, I’ve been terrified to do anything as of late by myself, or with my girlfriend. I don’t think these things are inherently wrong but since the faith does I’ve been terrified. I’m terrified with every single thing I do and I’m terrified that I won’t be forgiven if I do any sexual acts, because “I know they’re wrong and I would proceed to do them anyway” so why would I be forgiven. I have not felt calm in two months even though I did start some therapy, I feel like any advice from my friends family or the therapist has not worked and doesn’t stick in my brain because I am too scared. I just want to enjoy my life but I can’t. I feel like I’m hyper aware of too many things and I’ve been noticing anything that I could deem positive or negative religiously in the world. I don’t particularly want to be religious, I’d much rather just be a casual Christian who just believes in the good Christian Holy Trinity, gives thanks and prays on occasion from home, and lives a normal life where I don’t stress about these things, but I’m so scared that I would be doing something wrong by doing that. I have constant headaches and try to avoid doing anything because every single action takes a ridiculous amount of OCD tasks. I’ve been drained of all my energy I have no motivation to work out or do anything I enjoyed before because I’m terrified. My sex drive has diminished due to fear, and I’m not even in the mood for that stuff (I’m only 18). The only thing that brings me some sort of comfort is the fact that many people believe that many rules and Christianity were added in later in order to support some peoples ideals, but I’m still scared. I am a good person, I don’t do anything wrong I think outside of sexual acts, and I try my best to aid people in my daily life. Most people have a positive opinion on me and consider me a good person as well. But I’m just so scared and drained and just don’t know what to do anymore.