Bedtime rituals lasted an hour this time. I only know this because I put my phone down to start them and saw it was around 4am and now that I’ve finally put my head down to rest it’s 5:05. I think that’s the longest it’s ever lasted, I was biting the insides of my mouth the entire time and now it aches 😓

I have barely slept in three days, maybe two hours a night. I feel so overwhelmed and uncomfortable right now. I cannot, for the life of me, stop confessing. I feel absolutely unforgivable, like no matter what it is, I am irredeemable. These waves of guilt and dread keep hitting me so hard. Every time I sleep, all I do is dream-ruminate. I analyze every tiny detail of whatever I am obsessing over, even in my sleep. It almost feels easier to stay awake, not that I have been able to do anything else. I feel so drained. I am scared to sleep. I hate my brain. I feel so anxious.

i’ve had pretty bad anxiety since about 10 tonight (it’s 2 am rn). i started really worrying because my head wouldn’t stop hurting even after i took a nap and two advil. then my stomach was hurting. then i took two more advil because my head kept going. then because i was worrying so bad i went into my mom’s room and she gave me a zofran. then i lied in there, watching the notebook to try and distract myself. and that started working and i started feeling better. but then i got hit with a second wave of anxiety, making me think i was gonna get sick even though i took a zofran. and i’m still dealing with it rn and can’t stop panicking. i have an ice pack on my neck to help alleviate the anxiety along with my heating pad and a movie playing on my computer. right now i’m freaking myself into having food poisoning. it just sucks when my nights are spent like this and i can’t get out of it.

Bro I'm scared rn, so there was a compulsion I did like 2hrs ago and I didn't do it properly cuz I kept getting a thought saying "something is gonna come in Ur room and kill you or you will have this illness It triggers me to say it but I froze because I kept seeing like a shadow and cuz I was home alone and it's dark so I didn't answer it 😃 and cuz I answered it late saying obviously I don't want to illness I would rather have the other (half of me knows it's not real), and I prayed 4 times as well cuz I didn't do the compulsion properly I tried doing it again logs if times and 1 hour later I tried again but It still didn't feel right, and now the thought is hurting my body a little and I feel shivery, and I have tried doing the compulsion but it's not working. Why can't these thighs just leave me alone and stop saying about illnesses all the time. And idk how I'm gonna get thru the night cuz I can't get the thought out of my head and I won't be able to do anything properly.