Kt really feels like I’m attracted to younger peers at school 💀 like there’s this boy and he had like a fitted shirt ig and then I noticed that I checked out his like chest n stuff and he was a junior 😭😭 like ugh I hate that before I wasn’t even checking out for him like that like it was like okay whatever a person and now this happens and I feel bad and weird 💀 ughhh and then If I find out something that makes me assume that my younger peers are a bunch of assholes until they say something like they’ve been bullied before and then I’m like “oh Aw that’s why he/she acts like that🥺” then I get scared of eventually liking them or start having a crush which is what it was feeling like today 😭😭😭 and it’s so annoying that I’ll have an urge or like just an automatic checking out thing with ppls bodies like I look at everyone 💀 it’s like my eyes have no control it’s so annoying then I suppress how I feel if I feel like I have some sort of emotion or liek any if it’s on my younger peers and then I like get confused ugh I hate this what if I really am attracted to younger people all this time that I remembered my trauma and now it’s going to make me a pedo :( idk

I do want to point out that in your situation, this does not sound like an POCD symptom, as much as your fear of developing it. I don't mean to be invalidating at all, they are just peers within your age range. POCD is relating to children, not those who are a few years younger than you. So try to be kind to yourself. 💗 If you hyperfixate on it though, it can grow into bigger intrusions so I definitely think you should dig into ERT to be preventative. I know many friends, some of which are neurotypical who experienced this. It is completely normal if you are still in high school and they are aswell. It might seem like a huge difference but after you graduate most people don't care about that. Most of my close friends are 2-10 years apart from they're partners. We're all over 25. My fiancé is 2 years younger and it is the most healthy and mature relationship I have been in. I find I scan everyone completely aswell, including bodies to read a multitude of things abiut them, but that is more likely my co-morbid Autism. I like studying things and that includes people, the intrusive thoughts do not make you a bad person in any way. They are not under your control. We know and care DEEPLY not to act on the things that are harmful to others, and that is a really beautiful quality to have. I hope you start to feel better about it, if you're curious about some other perspectives, reddit has a thread for it too. Sending you love and peaceful brain time.💝

Is this bad😭 I feel like it is idk like no one has said anything to my post is it weird ?🥲