I’m having a panic attack, I thought I was doing so good but my daughter came into my bed and I god that whoosh of fear and it triggered a panic attack. I know for certain I would never harm her and that I am not a monster but my brain is making me feel like I may become one out of nowhere. I’m so scared i miss feeling normal. I feel sick to my stomach
Don’t lose hope, you’re gonna be fine:) this is all going to strengthen you
I understand completely. When my daughter was about 4, a saw a news story about a mom that hurt her child. I remember thinking, could that be me?? That’s when my OCD spiraled. I couldn’t be around my daughter (who I love more than anything) because of the fear I would harm her, or that I secretly wanted to. I ruined so many years living with this. I’m now 51 and have dealt with ocd since I was about 11. Themes have changed from HOCD when I was very young to harm ocd when I had my daughter to POCD when my brain seemed to get “bored” with harm ocd. I still struggle every day but I find myself saying “look at the evidence of who you are”. I love my family, I’m attracted to men, I don’t fantasize about kids. THAT is who I am. I remind myself of this every day and every now and then I realize I had a day without an OCD thought. Those are the days I believe I can win this battle.
I have those days too, and I was a mother for 5 years before this fear came. I was even a preschool teacher! I never ever had a sick thought until one random day and ever since it’s been a constant on and off struggle. I know who I am it’s just ocd and intrusive thoughts can be SO loud. Did your pocd fade away?
@Anon1294 My pocd started after my mother told me that my father SA abused me when I was very little. And then it triggered this fear
@Anon1294 I work in a school (go figure) so of course POCD is a theme for me 🙄. I have learned that my intrusive thoughts center around what I care about the most. So no, I think POCD will be a theme for me as long as I work with kids. I figure if I worked with animals my mind would come up with horribly disturbing thoughts about animals, I mean that’s how it works right? Somehow knowing this gives me some relief. When it gets bad, I remember how real the harm ocd felt and somehow that passed. I know this will too.
@Anon1294 It also helps so much to know I’m not the only one who is dealing with this.
@daisymae I do the same by comparing my other themes. I have had sexual orientation ocd and also existential/fear of dying ocd. When I have had panic attacks about those themes, they felt so real too, like I HAD to figure it out that second.
@Anon1294 Yep I know the feeling well.
@daisymae Thank you for talking me back down to earth.
I’m here anytime! Nice to know we’re not alone.
i feel you, i hate when my siblings come near me on the couch or anywhere tbh & my mind is constantly telling me, im gonna become one as well and it makes me wanna curl up into a ball and just cry my eyes out.
I had a bad panic attack last night and I felt like I was spiraling, and then I read a little bit of my ocd workbook and went back and layed with my daughter because I’ll be DAMNED if this mental illness takes my relationship with my daughters from me.😣 I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.
@Anon1294 Feel the same with my baby
@Anon1294 you’re my inspiration 🥺! you never give up! i feel like im constantly letting my ocd get to me and i start avoiding family & give up on my dreams of being a mom.
Did any of you have false memory ocd as well
Not yet. Lol
Yes I did
My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had a**halted her that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why other than the thought doing it but I elbowed her crotch or side area. Which caused another groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING out. Here I am not sleeping yet again! PLEASE someone tell me if I am a monster. Did I do anything wrong here? Do I need to turn myself in for hurting my daughter? I was doing SO well! What is this?
my panic attacks have been getting worse when the thought of harming someone comes up and today, it reached a high point, i was in the kitchen with my mom, trying to get over my fears of being near and just eat, but when my dog came in and heard me eating and walked in, i got triggered and thought i was one second away from hurting him or mom so i left the kitchen but before i could, i grabbed the scissors and panicked, and tried to get my mom for help but she was occupied, then i was trying to focus enough to put down the scissors but i couldnt and went into panic mode, i couldnt think, i couldnt focus, i slowly inched the scissors towards my mom thinking i might actually stab her in my stressed and panicked statem slowly inching the scissors towards her and scared, then she saw me, simply looked at me and said "what are you gonna do huh?" like she wasnt afraid, and that was enough to snap me out of it and put down the scissors, then i walked back to my room and here i am, trying not to call myself a monster but cant help but keep looking back at that moment, cause i really really felt like i could have...
I want to rip out my uterus. Only my hormones can make my OCD and ability to manage it go back to square one. I am spiraling *so* hard. I cannot breathe. My PMDD is going crazy. I’m having a panic attack again. I feel so scared. The POCD is going absolutely insane right now. It feels undeniably real, and my mind keeps drifting to those awful thoughts and what feels like exploring them?? but I can’t for the life of me stop some of these compulsions right now. I was trying to watch something to get my mind off of this but ended up getting triggered twice, so my anxiety is a 10 and I can’t seem to calm down. This panic attack is tuned all the way up.
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