Ocd involving race

OCD lies. Don’t believe it. The fact that you are thinking this deeply about being racist proves that you aren’t. You care. And that’s enough. Give yourself grace. Maybe read a book about being an anti-racist..?

Anonymous friend, I am black, my husband is white. I was raised in an area diverse in most every way, but more white than any one ethnicity. He was raised in a way that was not diverse in almost any way, lol! But he did spend a year and a half in another state volunteering full time in a predominantly black area. We cross over strongly in our common religion where we individually built our life’s values on. We met because he was drawn to my sister at a single adult church activity, (he was always attracted to people of color growing up. His mom knew he’d marry outside of his race). He became a family friend and volunteered to help serve my disabled brother (I wasn’t living at home at that time, we met later). All this background to let you see some factors. My friend, I was so concerned and thoughtful about this relationship when we started to cross from family friend to dating. He was confident and patient. I was patient and thought I was confident, but had to face the truth that as much as I thought I didn’t care what others thought, I did. I knew neither of us was ‘a racist’ but under no illusion I had ‘prejudices’. Check more than 1 source for word definitions because not everyone is operating under the same definitions. That said, my soul rested in comfort and I physically felt safe and relaxed with him. We did not have pre marital sex which was helpful to not be in a completely vulnerable position. Our ideas and interests and philosophies etc etc were in sync. We talked easily and for hours, it just was strong in every way but doggone if I didn’t try to break up with him bc I couldn’t nail down my arguments when I fantasized (translation: Intrusive thought battled) scenarios in which I had to defend race related things about him, us or me. It was thought work, CBT work, prayer work, evaluating my heart work, seeking counsel from my parents and other mentors work that I did on my own. We spoke openly, respectfully and bravely with each other about our possible problems. Ultimately I decided not to let society tell me whom I should or shouldn’t love. I decided to face whatever consquence and commit to what I knew based on our experiences together and contrasted with my past dating relationships. We have been happily married for 27 years. Except year 17, that one was a bear! UGH! Shudder. But we chose to re invest in our relationship and make it priority 1. Anyway, life has been sprinkled with race based cultural “ouches” here and there. We both have recognized and been in denial about prejudices about race and other things, too! 2020 was a doozie! We disagree on various race related things so how are we so happy and in love and successful??? OUR COMMON CORE VALUES, common religious culture, and commitment to healthy communication, and choosing to assuming the best intentions of the other. This is long, but I don’t care. Know that prejudices exist in all of us and that doesn’t make us a racist or evil. Humans are imperfect, multi layered, dynamic (changing and moving) creatures! We have a saying, “If you tell me the truth, it may hurt my feelings. But if I know the truth I can make the best decisions for myself and my family.” I applaud you for your courage to care enough to challenge your thoughts, be open to education, feedback and dare to love and grow. Keep growing.

It's like occasionally the thoughts were there when I first met him, but never anything to sway my opinion. The other day, I said something to him that even I didn't know what it met. We were arguing and I said my dad says I don't need a man, and I continued on by saying "like you". He got offended when I said like you. When I tried to explain, I didn't even know what I met when I said it. Since then the thoughts have flooded my brain and are like "you said like you because you're racist, that was the intent" and every part of me has been thinking about how I felt during that moment and I'm fully convinced I'm racist but I don't wanna believe that, I can't. There's nothing wrong with any race and I know that. There's stuff wrong with individual people, but not a race in total. I'm worried I say that to him because my dad is racist, but my dad never told me to stay away from other races he said that I'm independent and don't need a man. So why would I say that to him? Did I mean it as racist? It's like I can't do this anymore

i have this aswell

Don’t challenge the thoughts, but identify them as OCD lies. Tell the OCD “good try”, laugh at it and move on to thoughts about how you are lucky to have met such a great man!!