Does anyone else struggle with not finding anything reassuring? I try to avoid any reassurance given that it only fuels OCD, but I find it very discouraging that nothing reassures me. It makes me feel like my situation is different, and true due to not having any moments of “clarity”. Even if it is only a short moment of hope. I feel like everyone else knows who they are deep down and I’m not feeling that at all anymore.
I have those thoughts on occasion. It’s hard. But our mind is powerful and can make us think things that aren’t true. It helps me knowing - it’s normal for people to feel like we do
That’s true, and thank you for your words. I guess I’ve just lost my ability to rationalize things.
@alandy Which is also normal, ocd is a mcb*tch , just let the wave pass my friend
Often times people constantly seek reassurance but never really get it. At least any version that lasts more than a few minutes. And generally this is caused by constant rumination. As well as other compulsions. No one knows who they are “deep down” because that’s not a real place. But people who obsess about it especially don’t because they spend all of their time analyzing any and every possible doubt.
Remember: compulsions (including rumination, analysis, and anything to try to solve, fix, or neutralize your intrusive thoughts and obsessions) don’t make us more sure or certain; they make us less.
@pureolife This was extremely well put. As time has went on dealing with this illness I find myself constantly trying to find that little bit of hope to continue living the life I’ve always lived. The only thing that has kept me going is knowing that there is absolutely no way I would have just randomly discovered all of this at 23, but at the same time maybe there is? It’s scary how OCD stuff completely hijacks your brain. I mean I’m at the point now where it doesn’t “feel right” to be straight anymore. Super confusion and super hard.
@alandy Yup. Been there. I have a suggestion: stop reassuring yourself that it’s not “real” because you wouldn’t discover this at 23. Continuing to try to convince yourself of this again and again will eventually stop working because it’s a form of certainty seeking. Instead try: “maybe I’d have no idea about any of this until now, but maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have right now.” Allow the uncertainty and anxiety to just be there and leave on its own. Don’t engage in compulsions (like rumination, thought neutralization, avoidance, etc.) just let all of then possibilities be and refocus on what’s in front of you. Don’t answer the call the solve or answer.
@pureolife Holy cow…. I hope you no how much of a blessing it has been to speak with you. Idk what made you comment on my post, but I want you to know that I needed to hear all of that. Your outlook on how to handle this from a personal perspective gives me hope. God Bless you
@alandy Know*
@alandy I’m glad it’s helpful. Please keep it in mind next time ocd asks for certainty. Writing down “maybe, maybe not” on post it’s and putting them around your room, car, notebooks, etc, can be a quick reminder to keep that attitude even when it feels most challenging.
Do you ever feel like people without OCD have an easy time just saying “you need to accept uncertainty” only because they’re not subject to the same level of fear and anxiety as an OCD sufferer would? I feel like they don’t really accept uncertainty, they’re just naturally more certain about things. For example, if you ask anyone whether they think their loved ones are real or not, they will never answer with “maybe, but I’ll never know for sure”. They’ll just say “of course they are”. Isn’t that what certainty is? For me, as I’ve been suffering from existential OCD most of my adult life, such a question absolutely terrifies me. The mere thought of my loved ones and the world not being real sends me into a spiral of anxiety and depression and never ending certainty-seeking behavior. I just can’t stand the thought of that horrible scenario being true. How can one accept uncertainty about such a thought, when it completely undermines all my values and beliefs and world view? Can non-OCD sufferers really accept those nighmarish scenarios? Am I misunderstanding what ERP and therapy is about?
Hey folks, I know I shouldn’t post here and I know what I’m looking for when I do but I just feel so at a loss and OCD is playing the old trick of telling me I don’t have it which I guess is what it’s been doing for a while. My OCD started with a health obsession when I was 12 (I’m 22 now) but went away after a couple of months but didn’t present itself again until I was 17. I thought I had a degenerative disease and struggled with that day in and day out until I eventually accepted that I was going to die and made peace with it and then of course I kept living. OCD was pretty quiet for a few months after that. It would show itself when I had headaches and random aches and pains but it never hooked me as bad. Quite funny actually but I had a weird thing for a couple of months where every time I would go out for a drink I thought I’d wet myself so I’d stand in the bathroom for like 20-30 minutes at a time and that was multiple times across the night. Then in 2021, the theme shifted. I remember it distinctly, I was just lying in bed and a question appeared and that was it. My anxiety was really bad for about a year and then I met my girlfriend and we started dating. OCD went quiet until she moved to another city for university and I started to worry she was being unfaithful or didn’t love me anymore and things like that. With that obsession it kind of came to a head where I realised I either had to fully trust everything despite any doubt I felt or I’d lose her and so it just eventually started to pass. I’ve had a few occasions where I question my love for her and that really hurts because I’m pretty sure I’d be lost without her. That comes and goes though and it usually has to do with a general numbness that I feel after an OCD spike. The theme from 2021 (which I won’t say because I’m somehow worried that someone I know will see this and I will definitely wonder if people near me have seen this post despite it being pretty closed off.) never left but I was somehow able to put it to the back of my mind and get to a point where I was okay. I got a new job in 2024 at a point where I maybe was not ready. New place, new people and for the first 2 months or so it was fine. I even saw some potential triggers before they happened and did my best to ignore them. I got really drunk on a staff night out and when I woke up a lot of what ifs filled my head and I’ve been on my back since then. That brings us to now, my OCD has been pretty bad for about a year now but the weird part (and what I’m making this post about I guess) is that it feels different this time. I know that’s a super common phrase for people with OCD that therapists hear all the time and I have actually taken that piece of information as reassurance a few times over the years but it’s true. I feel so much more confused. I can’t even really explain it. It feels like my brain doesn’t engage or deny the obsession the same way as it used to and of course that makes me believe it’s real and I never actually had OCD. Instead, I’m left with thoughts that don’t give me that sharp feeling of anxiety that they used to and instead just leave me feeling super low and often angry just wishing it would go away. I think it’s probably because I’ve been at this for so long and had the same theme for years and so I’ve in a way habituated to the anxiety and that’s what rationally makes sense to me but like you all know, you can’t reason with this thing. It’s like it gives me just enough anxiety and depression to keep me on the hook and make it feel real but not enough send me into panic like it used to. I used to lie in bed, unable to get up and wishing that I was dead. I guess that now because I don’t feel that way, at least most of the time, my ocd is using that as a way to tell me I never really had it. Also I think I used to rely so heavily on reassurance but now know that I shouldn’t have it I try to avoid it. Without it though, it all feels real and I feel like eventually I will lose myself fully and that’s a fear that makes me feel unfathomably hopeless and makes me dread the future when I used to have dreams and hopes for myself that I looked forward to fulfilling. I don’t want to be big-headed, I just genuinely feel like I could’ve had a really great life and that’s gone now because of this thing. Anyway I just wanted to kind of use this post to get my head straight and map out something that I couldn’t quite explain effectively in therapy. I appreciate everyone who sees this but ask not to give me reassurance, I know we all empathise with each other but I’ve been at this long enough to know that it does none of us any good. I hope everyone is doing well, keep your head up. They tell me there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.
I’ve heard it’s not good to seek reassurance or give it because it lowers your tolerance to uncertainty. But how do I avoid seeking reassurance when my thoughts and doubts are so bad, I genuinely just don’t know anymore if I’m a bad person or if it’s just OCD? I know I’m supposed to sit with the uncertainty, but how can I do that when the uncertainty has me unable to trust my own brain? Especially when the OCD is real event and POCD? How can I not seek reassurance when I feel so alone and so abnormal and just don’t wanna feel that way anymore? In turn, I see so many people on here struggling so bad and my heart breaks for them. How can I give advice to towers without giving them reassurance and hurting them in the long run?
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