i am constantly counting and clenching my jaw/hand twitches, every single second of the day. My head tells me if I don’t count things in a specific way, something bad will happen (partner will cheat, someone will die) I know it isn’t true but I can’t stop feeding into it. I feel so incredibly alone.

I'm new and I'm really trying to control thoughts of replaying interactions I've had or things I think might happen with the people around me. This is something constant, and it causes me to repeat actions. Then I lose track of time and often end up being late. It has always affected my sleep and becomes a part of my dreams, which are also always vivid. It's always been hard for me to get up. I just constantly keep replaying different outcomes of things that it haven't happened yet going over every possible outcome with no correct answer. I'm scared of what I might say and do when at work because it's been getting worse lately. I've been terrified of socializing, because I feel like I'm going to lose it every time I speak to someone. I work directly with people doing their hair. I don't want my clients or co-workers to catch me in the act of one of my rituals or it to effect the job that I'm doing. It just makes me angry that I haven't been able to control these thoughts and it makes the rituals worse. Then I feel embarrassed after I finally stop repeating whatever it is, I'm doing. I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I’m terrified but I know it's not real. I can't afford to lose it/show it.

I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩

Lately I just feel like I’m on the verge of losing it and I don’t know why. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body. Physically and mentally. Not due to insecurity but just that something isn’t right… I never feel good, I’m always fatigued, my head hurts all the time, but my blood work comes back fine so doctor’s will do nothing. I have anxiety and panic attacks and recently I guess depression since I’m always down. I have relationship OCD so my partner deals with me not being sure of him constantly and it breaks my heart. I don’t want to leave him because he’s great but half the time my brain is telling me he isn’t the one. I keep counting as well, constantly counting every letter in every word and every word in every sentence… it just feels like I’m gonna go insane one of these days and I’m scared. When I talk to someone about this, they have no clue what to tell me or how to help. Am I alone in feeling this way??