BIG TRIGGER WARNING

Please dont read this if you are feeling really bad. I just want to share my story and maybe to help someone else not to do the same mistake i did. 3 days ago i attempted suicide by trying to overdose with large amount of pills and alcohol. It was the day that everything seemed just wrong and i couldnt cope anymore. I suffer from POCD and each day i struggle a lot. Combined with that i felt really alone and was feeling like everyone will be better without me alive. It was an impulsive decision and in that moment i felt nothing. I was just to tired to keep on living. I ran away from my home, took pills with me, as much as i could find and bought really strong alcohol to mix it up. And i sat there, i was really angry and i wanted die to see if theres God and to tell him to go fuck himself cause all my life ive been good person. I never did anything wrong. I always cared more about others then myself. I wanted to face the God and to tell him hes an asshole. At some point, i guess when pills and alcohol hit me i felt like i am about to pass out. Now the message i want to send to everyone here who has ever came even close to thinking about selfharm.. The last thought i remember i had before passing out was that i dont want to die. That everything can be fixed. Faces of my family member were in front of me, at the same moment i was about to pass out i realized that there is no such struggle that is worth of taking away your life. But it was to late, i blacked out. Fast forward, i dont remeber anything other then waking up in hospital where doctors were hooking me up on some life saving devices, and i only remember like few pictures. I woke up several hours later in the department of intensive care. They explained to me that someone found me and called ambulance and that if it was half hour later that id probably be dead. I didnt want to die at any point. I wanted relief. It took me 2 days to fully understand what damage it would cause to my loved ones if i died. I want to send strong message to anyone that may think that something like that is the only way out- IT ISNT. TALK TO SOMEONE, THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER SOLUTION, i know it now and just wanted to share my story cause i realized that there is just a thin line that can ruin your and lives of your loved ones. THERE IS ALWAYS WAY OUT. THANK YOU FOR READING, BY LUCKY TO BE ALIVE