Having a giant imagination. Help?

I think a big problem is that I have watched so many movies and shows and that my imagination has always been so so big. I have been really going through the worst time in my life this past week and a half I’ve lost almost 10 pounds from not being able to eat because of fear that I somehow took my boyfriends “soul” and if I look at LITERALLY anything (even these letters) and food or ANYTHING I feel like I left his soul on there. So in order to “get his soul back” I have to roll my eyes and do this compulsion until it feels right and until it feels like I have it back…If that makes any sense? Its so distressing and it’s much much more than that like vivid images and ideas that I’ll praise to people that he’s not real and that he’s something weird like a robot or something idk and it’s so fucking terrifying to think of doing those things but sometimes it feels like I’m going to do it so I bite my tongue really hard. My brain is so scrambled it feels like I’m going to 100% convince myself that he’s not himself. im terrified and I can’t eat or sleep and when I try to sleep my mind goes wild when I close my eyes :(

LydiaK

Date posted: 3y

Seems like magical thinking ocd. The only solution is to force your self to act normally around him without doing ANY of the compulsions. You need to fight your fear head on. Hard as hell but really rewarding. You body will then become used to extreme anxiety caused by weird, nonsensical thoughts and then stop associating the thoughts to danger. Don't start tomorrow, start TODAY. Do not do any compulsions, stay with the intense fear.

LydiaK

Date posted: 3y

By just speaking about it and keeping on with your compulsions you gain and solve nothing.Good luck, and remember you're not alone. Been through something really similar.

Beebuh

Date posted: 3y

Yeah I’ve been finding it SUPER hard to not do the compulsions. I have a fear that if I don’t do it I’ve “lost” his soul and it’s just really scary and it feels like the compulsions are the only thing keeping me sane? Like Im scared of being sent to a psych ward too 😭

Beebuh

Date posted: 3y

@LydiaK Any more advice? You seem to be on the road to recovery or maybe have already recovered

LydiaK

Date posted: 3y

@Beebuh That's my best advice. It's basically what i did. I would suggest you start meditation too, altho that's only secondary. I guarantee that by stoping compulsions, the worst that will happen is your anxiety skyrocketing for a day or two and then it suddenly gets "calm", to the point you even question "Was I seriously worrying about that?". Do it, it's hard, not impossible so you can. It's only the fear that makes you not want to, and fear is just an illusion that holds you back. Push through it and suffer for a while to get almost completely well afterwards. It's worth it. Scream, kick things, run and do anything to endure the intense anxiety and fear except from compulsions.

Beebuh

Date posted: 3y

@LydiaK Did you find it helpful to eliminate compulsions doing the hierarchy or did you try eliminating all of them at once?

LydiaK

Date posted: 3y

@Beebuh I started with reducing them little by little for about a week and even that made me feel much better. Afterwards i stopped them almost completely. I may slip up a bit but I'm able to stop myself and I'm almost recovered from my current theme. It was REALLY helpful, in fact I'm actually able to live my life normally. To prevent further overthinking, i meditate. Now if i stumble at something that is triggering, i by no means react the same way i did. I'm able to brush it off. Of course, once you also get better, do not completely relax and return to your old habits, adopt new, better ones. Meditate and once you get to experience something painful in your life, don't try to run away from the pain and try to fully experience it without any judgement. This habit of "running away" from anything painful is connected to ocd and how bad it gets to be.

Nonso

Date posted: 2y

Dear Beebuh, I can relate, I have somithing similar.. in this period I can’ buy anything because the obsession is “ if I buy this, then I’ll sell my loved one’s soul” it’s nonsense because If I buy something I pay it with money, but I’m ruminating, the point is that I should buy what I need and let the thoughts flow .. sorry for my bad English . I know you are struggling too

revxskates

Date posted: 22w

Losing it maybe lols

I came across a video that was talking about a theory and it was something me and my friend were talking about 2 years ago and were tweaking about and i was explaining it to my girlfriend just now and them i started to get anxiety about stuff not being real and my world isn’t what it seems to be and that there stuff out there and then i started to have religious OCD and then it went to how Im scared of the world being fake or suffering from a mental illness like schizophrenia or something and stuff and I’ve been having OCD about my girlfriend being a government agent or that government agents are watching me cause I’m scared of schizophrenia and thinking like them i don’t think i actually think it i kinda just go to my girlfriend isn’t a government agent which scares me into thinking i was thinking she was or gonna think she is or idk if i just saying that to bot seem insane or something but like idk if i truly believe that i doubt it i don’t believe it any other time and then i started getting stress i might hurt or maybe kill her and it scares me cause shes my everything and I’m scared of losing her idk guys I’m getting stressed hella and I’m scared of myself and my OCD I’m genuinely tired of it like anyone can ask my girlfriend and she’ll say i cant go 5 mins without ticcing (from ocd) or asking for reassurance like that life is real and thats shes real and I’m real and nothings wrongs and stuff, i probably sounds crazy lmaoo maybe and the sucky thing is i don’t have a therapist or a thingy going on for me cause i don’t have a job and or insurance let alone.

kenzieisfound

Date posted: 20w

please help, feeling trapped between two realities

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted in a while—about 6 months—but I’m really struggling and need some help or advice. I thought I had healed from all of this, or at least I was doing so much better. I have never felt this before but it feels like I’m slipping back into something I can’t control. Right now, it feels like I’m stuck in a bad reality. It’s like I’m trapped with my dad in one reality, and I’m trying to get back to the other where I’m with my family, but I can’t. It’s so hard to explain, but everything around me feels unreal, and my mind keeps telling me I’m stuck. It feels so real, and I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s like I’ve been transported to another world, and I can’t break free. nd now I’m scared I’ll never come back to the “good” reality I had before. and I genuinely believe this. I’ve been struggling with these thoughts about spiritual realms, the devil, and spiritual warfare. My dad has always talked about these things, and he’s gone through psychosis before. He’s also had a history of doing a lot of drugs, and now I’m terrified that I might end up like him. I fear that I’m somehow becoming like him, trapped in that same mental space he’s been in. He talks about spiritual stuff that scares me, and I can’t shake the thought that I might be losing myself the same way he did. I know this might sound weird, but I feel like I’m getting closer to that line, and I don’t know how to stop it. I keep feeling like I’ll never come back to the way things were, like I’ll always be stuck in this distorted reality. I’m afraid of losing myself, especially in my faith. I believe in God, but my thoughts and fears about all of this are making it hard to feel connected to Him. I feel so distant from God right now, and it’s hard to see how this can change. Has anyone else experienced something like this—feeling like you’re trapped between realities, afraid of becoming someone you don’t want to be, or struggling with fears like this? How did you cope? I just need some hope that I can get through this and come back to a better place. I’m scared, and I feel like I can’t escape this. Any advice would really mean a lot right now.

cait1299

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

Really struggling!

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!

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Having a giant imagination. Help?

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