OCD and Anger?

I often ruminate about people having the worst intentions towards myself and my loved ones/friends. I notice little things that others do or don't do and it takes very little for me to perceive something as a slight. It causes me to impulsively snap at people, fight my ruminations, or just completely isolate myself from everyone because I hate facing these moments that remind me of why I'm so unlikable and don't have any friends. Maybe OCD related, maybe just another personality flaw. Anyway, I'm feeling like a guilty asshole for snapping at someone earlier who in retrospect didn't deserve it. I apologized and cleared the air but in my mind it's like I can't let it go and feel like I need to continue punishing myself. I'm ruining my own Saturday evening which I should be enjoying with my husband.

gettingmoni

Date posted: 3y

hey! im actually dealing with the same thing right now. i dont think this makes you a bad person, i just think that anger and frustration are responses to other feelings like sadness or fear. for me personally, i notice that im likely to snap at someone if im already anxious or stressed out and later i realize i may have overreacted. for example, earlier today i told my boyfriend about how i felt uncomfortable with him talking to this girl on twitter under one of his posts, and he explained to me that it was just a friendly interaction and that he felt upset because he felt like i didn’t trust him, then when i was talking to my sister about it she said something that triggered my ROCD (probably one of the worst things she could have said to me, too) and made me almost break down in the middle of spending time with my family. at that point i was really frustrated because i was having a good morning with my family and my boyfriend was in a good mood, but i felt like i ruined it for myself and like i ruined my boyfriend’s morning for bringing that topic up to him even though i knew wholeheartedly that he wasn’t flirting with that girl. I think a lot of people with ocd just really struggle with guilt overall and we dwell on things too much, because it’s really hard not to. i could go on and on about examples of this happening to me recently, but honestly i think it has a lot to do with the fact that my OCD has been spiking lately and ive been super anxious all the time so im kinda on edge.

EmOnigiri

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for sharing this with me. It sucks bot being able to just be present and enjoy time with your loved ones. I hope that in time we can both learn to let go of some of this obsessive rumination and self punishing.

gettingmoni

Date posted: 3y

@EmOnigiri definitely, i think what ended up upsetting me the most when i got home was the feeling that i couldn’t talk to anyone about it because it’s hard for people who don’t suffer from OCD to understand the kinds of things that we go through and how difficult they are, ocd can feel extremely isolating which honestly for me makes it harder to deal with so even when my loved ones ask me what’s wrong, i feel like i can’t tell them because they won’t get it and i just end up feeling super disconnected and in my head. i know we can definitely unlearn these thinking patterns in time as long as we keep trying :)

Lean.Into.it

Date posted: 3y

@gettingmoni I’ve been trying to challenge that belief recently about not sharing how I’m feeling around my OCD w people who may not suffer. Like I can say something like, “I have OCD and struggle with obsessively ruminating on these things that cause me a ton of distress and it can be very difficult to let go and not be sent down a spiral.” Or, “my thoughts are causing me more anxiety than usual today and it’s hard to concentrate.” Sometimes even if someone can’t relate on the same level with you, they can have empathy and show compassion- which can often lead to us feeling seen - which builds connection. Just because I don’t know what it’s like to have fibromyalgia doesn’t mean I can’t really empathize with someone sharing the chronic pain they are experiencing and maybe having a flare up that day.

gettingmoni

Date posted: 3y

@englerscott yeah that makes sense, i think i just get frustrated when i do try to explain these things and the person says something like “why dont you just try to be more positive and think about something else?”, i know that they mean well and that they’re trying but it can also just be frustrating to explain it repeatedly or to be heard but not understood, although i definitely agree that i can personally try to be more understanding of people who don’t have ocd but are trying to help me anyway, since it’s obviously not their fault that they’re not in my head and can’t see what goes on in there if that makes sense. plus, if i want people to understand me i have to talk to them about how i feel otherwise they never will because nobody can read minds so it does take effort from both parts for sure.

Lean.Into.it

Date posted: 3y

@gettingmoni I hear you. In my experience, sometimes it’s worth educating the person a little bit on the situation so they can understand a little better. Like I had no idea really what fibromyalgia was until this woman explained it to me in detail of what she experienced and felt. And in my opinion, most humans do line up on a spectrum of OCD and struggle with irrational fears and weird quirks they do revolving around their obsession. In my perspective, they probably can relate on some level, but just not nearly to the extent of the pain and debilitating level we might experience it. Truthfully, I often don’t even understand how it’s possible for my thoughts to cripple me so much, it seems silly. I don’t understand why my theme or fear makes me feel like the end of the world and completely unacceptable to me, so I definitely can understand why someone else not experiencing what I am might have a hard time grasping how much my thoughts can affect me and even my functioning

gettingmoni

Date posted: 3y

@englerscott that makes a lot of sense! thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Lean.Into.it

Date posted: 3y

@gettingmoni Thanks for listening!

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

It’s times like these that I just wish I had a third person perspective on my life so I could see how/if I’m actually affecting people in ways I think I am 😂😂

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Anonymous2212

Date posted: 20w

False Memory/ ROCD

I am diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, and mild depression. But my OCD symptoms are so prominent in my daily life where it feels debilitating. It comes in waves, there will be months with very minor symptoms and other times where it comes in random hitting me like a truck making me rethink life. I grew up having intrusive thoughts of all types, and a lot of them sent me over the edge because I couldn’t understand why things of such sort would cross my mind, things that I’m sure to this day that I’m incapable of or would never want to actually do. Yet I find myself in a constant cycle of trying to dig deep in the past and trying to figure out if I ever acted on any of the intrusive thoughts I can remember, yet ofc have no recollection of acting on them because they most likely didn’t happen. However, not having concrete proof of these things makes me not want to see another day sometimes. It is so hard to move into daily basis like this. I’m also in a happy healthy relationship and sometimes I get these thoughts of “what if I’ve done something awful during the relationship (for example, cheat, dishonesty, etc.) and can’t remember?” I know I would never do anything intentionally to harm my relationship and I think that maybe the idea of not having my partner sends me down a rabbit hole to think all these things. This mental fight is getting harder and harder. It feels unbearable. Does anyone have some fruit for thought, relate, or have any tips?

moon0270

Date posted: 18w

Makes me feel like a horrible person

That's what OCD feels like. Especially the constant questioning and doubt and the more you do it, the more you doubt yourself and it ends up leaving you open for other 'attacks'. I left the house today with my mom to run errands and things were fine, like my intrusive thoughts weren't bothering me that much in the beginning though they're constant in the background. Then when we stopped to get a drink from this store before leaving, I got more anxious because there were lots of kids around (it's afternoon here and i guess school was coming out). Kids were walking around in school uniform and I just told myself to keep looking away because i knew that my intrusive thoughts were going to flare up. Obviously that just made it worse and I just wanted to run away and crawl into a hole or something. Then a few minutes passed and then my brain said what if you were leering at the kids or looking at them inappropriately. And then my brain kept telling me that I wanted to or must have filmed one of them even though it's not something I want to do and know deep down that I didn't do it and don't want to. Ever. I just felt so disgusted with myself, I had to stop myself from crying on the way home. I hate this disease and I hate that its made its home in my head.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

OCD and Anger?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community