Anyone get belittled due to OCD?

I have OCD where my triggers revolve around contamination, harm, and a few others sprinkled in there. My compulsion is to “confess” to find relief from the anxiety and guilt. My wife is the recipient of the confessions. We are going through a divorce right now and unfortunately do not have another option but to live together until a future date. I have begun to notice that she will respond to the confessing by belittling me. Today, just a bit ago, she told me I am like and 8 year old child after I confessed to “mommy.” This happened after I had cut up some mango and sifted through her bowl with my hand to make sure no rind was there. The contamination OCD came into focus and I told her that I did that and she went on this tirade. I told her it was me just telling her but I knew and she knew that it was a confession. Ot is hard for me to be honest about it sometimes because I feel sick over it when she becomes so angry. She tells me that I think she is dumb for trying to say it isn’t a confession, but that I am dumb for doing it and thinking that she doesn’t see it as a confession. She went on to say that I am repulsive and used that word a couple of times in this moment. She also told me that I owe her an apology. So I said I am sorry three times. I can’t tell you how awful this makes me feel about myself. There are other examples but this just happened so I wanted to share. Thanks for reading.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 3y

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MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 3y

I really try to do that but as you know its that easy. I will try even harder.

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 3y

Its not that easy

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 3y

How do you handle not confessing? What things do you confess about? If I am being too invasive asking these questions please let me know. I don’t mean to be.

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 3y

Yes. Exactly what I do as well. It mostly revolves around contamination or harm to my wife or our animals. Sometimes it happens with conversations I have with other people especially females. I know that I have a mental health issue with OCD, but I also often wonder if her trauma and insecurities exacerbate my OCD. Not shifting blame, but its like finding footing to build upon and gain momentum doesn’t exist.

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 3y

I have shared this with my Mom and a couple of other people but not too many. How about you? Are you open about it with people? If so, how have they reacted to you?

MikeOH2LA

Date posted: 3y

I appreciate the feedback and the support. Thank you!

chickenmomma

Date posted: 22w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

How to react to family who does not understand OCD

I am married and neither,my husband or children understand what it feels like to have OCD. I have had it for some time now. Sometimes ig gets better while other times it acts up and feels just awful!! During these especially awful times I worry more, voice what I am worried about, and just feels depressed. I got even more depressed whwn my family members insult me because of my ocd. I know I should not voice my worries etc ask I am thinking that is a,compulsion but sometimes I do. I regret it afterward,cuz nothing food really happens as a result. More often I am judged, called names and then I really get depressed!!!! It sometimes tanes me days to feel better acter one of those wpisodes! I guess besides not viucing my worries what can I do in a family that does so ma y things that upset me....and it would wvwn if I did nit have ocd!!! I meant WE all have to live together and trust me....there are things they so that for sure woyld have bothered me way before I had o d! ,They would bother the father and son on the TV show Sanford and Son!!! How so I just,live in same house,all the,whike pretending those things,don't bother me? I meant I am the mom. Don't I get some say so without being called names etc?

frana

Date posted: 19w

When I Went Too Far Trying to Be Understood

Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(

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Anyone get belittled due to OCD?

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