May I pray for you tonight?

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?

im scared. I keep compulsively praying for bad things or death on the people I love. I don’t understand why. It doesn’t make anything better. I’m scared that these prayers count. I seal them as I do with most of my prayers in Jesus name and with a double amen. I’m scared God will want to teach me a lesson and make something come true. I’m scared I mean these prayers, I’m petrified. If something happened, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself :( I don’t know where to go from here