Spiraling

I was telling my cousin how I’m kinda nervous to be a dad and he said “there’s people who are way less fit to be parents out there” and I thought that was kinda assuming that he thought that I wasn’t that fit to be a parent. Later on he made a joke like “I would be nervous too with the whole custody thing” even though I have been with my wife for over 7 years. Now I’m kinda spiraling wondering if he thinks that we’re not good for each other and that we’ll break up. I already struggle with ROCD so this is kinda triggering me.

ChetVFrag

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Those are thoughts you are having based on a triggering event created by someone else. How do you feel about becoming a dad? If no one else in the world gets to have an opinion about your fatherhood fitness, do you think it’s something you’re ready for? Think of how many marriages don’t make it 7 years. You’re doing something right and, if the next step is fatherhood and you’re doing it for the right reasons, I’m betting you are qualified. It’s a huge step but it’s huge for every single first-time father out there. You’ll think about it more after this and that’s ok because everyone does. It’s having an impact on you because you care about it. That is so much more than a lot of accidental fathers out there can say. It sounds to me like you have normal, considerate concern. Don’t let that become rumination. You and your wife get to decide when you’re ready and no one else can tell you otherwise.

Just another...

Date posted: 3y

Wow thank you so much for replying. That actually really helped. I guess I am nervous and not feeling the most prepared. Our baby was not planned but we are so excited to have decided to keep her. I guess the fact that she wasn’t 100% planned for is playing a role in all this. I’m also worried because I’ve never even changed a diaper before and my OCD paralyzes me at times and I’m worried that will affect how great of a dad I can be.

ChetVFrag

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

My girls are 15 and 17 now. They have put up with me for their entire lives, with my ups and downs, my “quirks” and whatnot. They actually still love me (or at least fake it really well). I can’t even begin to describe some of the dark times I have gone through. It sounds like you have some of those concerns too. No matter what’s going on with the asshole invading your brain, the real you has the right heart for this. You child(ren) will love you even though we are all a bit broken. Sorry. I’m really emotional tonight for some reason. If you want to be Dad and you are with someone who wants to be Mom alongside you, you’re doing it right. There is a 0% chance you will make it through parenthood without making some mistakes but again, that is because you’re human. Your OCD doesn’t get to decide how you parent. There will be times you will need to step away and take some time for yourself. I STILL do that and that’s ok. I’m just one dude but I have faith in you on this journey because you give a s**y enough to be scared about it.

Just another...

Date posted: 3y

You sound like an amazing father and an even better human being. Thank you for taking the time out of your night to help me out. You are so right. I feel so much better and confident in my future. You have no idea how much this meant to me.

kittea

Date posted: 19w

ROCD spiral — seeking advice

in an ROCD spiral these past few days. i have a very sweet boyfriend who i love very much but i’m so scared my OCD is gonna drive him away. i get really freaked out when he doesn’t say certain things back every time like “i love you” or “goodnight” etc and also as of late he makes jokes about like fictional women being hot and we’ve had convos about like are we not allowed to also appreciate someone else’s attractiveness without reading into it (we’ve both expressed we are monogamous—i’m also demisexual so wondering if my brain just doesn’t think the same way his does) or like he made a joke about how it would be hot to see me kissing another girl (i’m bi) and i think yeah in a perfect world where i don’t have OCD i get the logic behind not reading into these things but every time he makes these jokes or we have these convos it sends my OCD into a major spiral like. if he really loved me and only me why would he even say these things? he is just very blunt and logical and straightforward and sometimes he’s really good at gently challenging my OCD and for him he doesn’t think these things seriously like ik he would never ever cheat on me (we have had discussions about our thoughts on cheating before). but like comments that he makes like this i am sure have no meaning to him other than just jokes or pointing stuff out but my OCD spirals every time he makes them. i’m really scared of ruining this relationship because i feel like i can’t just be the chill girlfriend who doesn’t read into this stuff. please help i’m spiraling and can’t even focus on work ): and it sucks because he really otherwise shows me how much he loves me in many ways and it’s just this thing that i can’t figure out and i keep feeling like having these convos with him will drive him away. or like telling him i don’t want him to make those jokes around me will make him feel like he is walking on eggshells around me and can’t be himself and that will eventually end the relationship which i don’t want. i just want my brain to stop panicking and reading into every single thing but my brain won’t understand what is normal or okay until someone tells me it is. i’m gonna go back to therapy soon but in the interim just wanted to come here. thanks in advance for any words or insight anyone can offer ❤️

Relationship OCD

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 17w

I’ve spiraled a lot in the past week

Every 30 minutes I spiral about something different. It’s exhausting. Right now I’m freaking out because I was finally feeling a little calmer, got on TikTok, and saw a post saying that comforting a guy or giving advice to a guy is considered cheating. Or “microcheating.” And so many people in the comments were agreeing. My OCD already gives me so much crap about having guy friends and comforting them during hard moments. Another post said that even giving advice when a guy texts you his problems is wrong, and like, I give advice so often. That one really struck me, because how on earth is that unacceptable? There was also a part about how hanging out with a guy is cheating too. I don’t really agree with that one either, but I guess I can understand that perspective a little more, especially if your partner feels uncomfortable with it. Still, it just added more fuel to the fire. I already doubt myself constantly, and then I read a comment that said, “*If you do any of that, all I’m hearing is ‘I’m a microcheater and proud.’*” I just started crying. I haven’t been able to sit with the uncertainty of whether I’ve been unfaithful or disrespectful to my boyfriend for months. Especially since my guy friend has given me comfort and advice too. Everything I do feels like cheating. ***Everything***. And seeing that just made it all feel so much worse.

Mk3

Date posted: 13w

Rocd

I thought I was doing so well. But then my partner accidentally & unknowingly triggered me by jokingly saying about himself that “he’s pretty ugly anyways.” My thought of thinking he looks ugly sometimes is the main thing my ocd revolves around. Now I feel like I SHOULD be distressed over this thought after him jokingly saying this. Ugh

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