Date posted: 3y

HOCD and manipulation

I was manipulated into experimenting with my friend when I was 14 or younger… he was constantly telling me that what we were doing wasn’t homosexual or wrong at all… he was my friend so I believed him… it only lasted for a couple seconds because I was honestly shaken up by it and I nearly puked… Now my HOCD is telling me that i wanted it and that im in denial when even mentioning this story gets me anxious… I don’t ever want to be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form… 😞😞😞

Bng10160

Date posted: 3y

I kind of had a similar situation with an older friend when I was very young. Now it really triggers my hocd. But honestly it’s not like we would have wanted to do these things or even have thought about it if these people didn’t encourage it first

LaurenNC

Date posted: 3y

Sending you strength ❤️ Please remember that it is totally normal to ‘experiment’ when you are younger and it doesn’t mean anything.

Justmesadly

Date posted: 3y

Just because you did something you wouldn’t do now doesn’t change who you are. You have to practice acceptance. No matter how bad you want to you can’t undo the past unfortunately

745

Date posted: 3y

I don’t ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all 😭😭😭 I don’t ever want to be attracted to any man in any shape or form 😭😭

745

Date posted: 3y

I don’t know whether or not your telling me I’m in denial or it’s just the HOCD so I’m anxious atm…

Justmesadly

Date posted: 3y

@745 I’m not telling you you’re anything. You can’t choose your sexuality and no one can tell you you’re sexuality. I’m telling you the more you don’t accept what you’ve done in the past the worse the ocd is going to get. Sit down and write out the event over and over again, read back to yourself in your head then read it out loud, over and over. Write down the persons name and then read it over and over

Brave through

Date posted: 3y

@Justmesadly You seem to have good advice i could use some too if you could help..A guy flirting with me feels foreign now like i am trying to push everyone away?!? Why would i do that?!? Like what is the reason!!? Am i not accepting something hiding something?!? What is it?!? The only thing that tells me its ocd is the fact that earlier i used to be anxious and now i am not even that?!? If i think of something and i forget it does that count as ocd?!? Does it tell me its ocd?!? My college friend just mentioned to me the cameras are off we should do something fun and the thought that came to me was like a kiss but why?!? And i know I thought of it as fun but then why would i even think of it at all if there is no past feelings with it?!? Is there?!? And then I didn’t feel anxious or put much thought to it but forced myself to think about it cause i know if i don’t its not ocd and to tell myself it is i did consciously think but then thats fake again right?!? What do i do?!? I also went out to a fare met a cute sweet girl and i was wow she is so sweet anyone would date her?!? Why would i think that and now if i have why am i asking these why filled questions cause i know thats how people will tell me its ocd and then I thought if i ever had to date someone from the same sex someone like her but why would thought pop up without anything i have stopped thinking like that for males moreover i feel like am running away from them but i feel like this for the same sex this has to prove something right?!? Its like guys are coming to me but for some reason i am pushing them away cause i am sacred or what and then complain about not finding guys to my friends who said its okay go for girls and i was like what instantly said no but still thought for a sec and didn’t feel triggered or did idk what do i do?!? And also if i by mistake ever watch lesbian porn or something like that it makes me thinks it so normal so what is it?!? And why do i even think of it as something like that?!? Like what do i do ?!? Pls help me I don’t think this is ocd anymore pls help me

Mt2019

Date posted: 21w

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

geodrimilis

Date posted: 15w

Hocd is literally a clown in my head.

Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 7w

I’m so tired. HOCD is the worst.

I don’t know what to do with this bs anymore. I’m crying again and again and again and again. I cannot describe how painful this is. I’ve recovered from every single OCD subtype expect this one. HOCD is so scary and it’s so incredibly scary how it feels so real. The issue with this subtype is how intertwined it is with feelings and sensations. I hate how it keeps latching onto the past and uses the past as proof. I don’t want it to be the truth. I don’t want to accept any possibility.

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