Does anyone else feel this way? Scrupulosity, HOCD

I'm not diagnosed but I've been struggling with my thoughts for almost two months now and I'm not sure if it's intrusive anymore? These thoughts makes me want to die and I want this out of my head as soon as possible, I don't want to stay like this any longer. February or January, I started studying and knowing more about the Bible, It is indeed, the best moment in my life, I really enjoyed it very much, being reunited with your creator is the best feeling. Before studying and reading the Bible, I showed signs of Sexual Orientation OCD and also during those times I studied. I felt so alive when I was with God and now I just feel like I'm slowly falling part. This started when I found out that what I've been doing wrong is not biblical and that's anti-christ, I was shocked and couldn't believe it and said to myself "I'm an anti-christ???" I just went to sleep during that time and thought that I'll be able to accept it when I wake up. Tomorrow, my first thought is praying to God but when I close my eyes, random images would pop up. While I'm praying there's image of evil or the enemy, that of course freaked me out and made me cry. My mother noticed and told me to stop what I'm doing for awhile (Studying and reading the Bible) I did what she told me and as soon as I got better, I came back to what I was doing. It got triggered again when I found out some of my friends are atheists and I'm not sure if it's right or okay to be friends with an atheists so I asked people for advice, they said it's okay and I thought "Yes, at least they're not satanist" that shooked me and then suddenly the thoughts started again and has been going on until now. I think this is my fault for thinking that way. I keep having thoughts that are disrespectful to God, my brain switching God with the enemy which is stupid, having other Gods which is the enemy, wishing to the enemy, offering stuffs for the enemy like food so I often end up praying a lot of times to cleanse the food, drinks, and even things in our house and those things that I saw with my eyes, and other thoughts like worship the enemy, go with the enemy, and other thought. I feel dead inside, honestly. I want to get better as soon as possible and don't want to stay like this anymore, these thoughts makes me hate myself. I've been not having that much sleep and I keep having those thoughts that I offered food to the enemy so I can't eat properly, the only way I was able to eat properly is by thinking that God prepared it for me. My dream is just to follow God, I was ready to leave anything for God but then I had these thoughts. There's some times I was doing fine, coping with these thoughts and then I would fall miserably again because of a verse that I heard that evil thoughts came from the heart? I honestly feel hopeless and there were times my intrusive thoughts influenced my mind. I really don't enjoy anything except spending time with God but even that, I can't do because of the thoughts that I keep having. These thoughts are really making me hate myself, I heard an advice to stop doing compulsions but then I worry about not doing compulsions. I get harmful thoughts about other people too, I honestly can't live like this. I don't feel like myself lately. I always feel like I'm lying too everytime I'm asking for help.

CreepioisDaddy

Date posted: 3y

Hi, fellow Religious OCD sufferer here, I know exactly what you are going through as I suffered the same thoughts and fears about worshiping the enemy at the age of 13 (one time I had a full-on breakdown because I feared I had sold my soul to the devil in my mind during a karate class) For me, Religious OCD slowly diminished over time, but I don’t know if that will be the case for you. I would recommend offering your obsessive thoughts to God, not asking them to be removed (because that will only fuel your compulsive thinking), but to ask to remember the Father’s love for you when the enemy tries to convince you otherwise. God knows that you are going through a really hard time, and He won’t abandon you because of your thoughts. Another thing that would help is finding a therapist who specializes in Religious OCD. There are a lot of good Christian therapists out there who can help with disorders like OCD, and it’s worth seeking out the extra help. My OCD only got worse because I refused to seek out help, so I know how important it is to find a good therapist. If you are Catholic, I would recommend talking to your priest about the thoughts you have been experiencing (if you’re not Catholic, then you can talk to a pastor/minister you trust really well, I’m just saying Catholic because a lot of churches have deliverance ministries centered around helping people escape demonic influences. I don’t know if that would help in your case, but it might be worth it to try.) Finally, remember that these thoughts aren’t who you are. While you do experience intrusive thoughts, they can’t harm you in the way that you think they do. You are still a beloved daughter of God and despite the thoughts you have been experiencing, it’s still you. I hope this helps in some way.

law7

Date posted: 3y

I'm actually 13 years old and here to ask for help, these thoughts are really tiring and (might be triggering) makes me want to die, I feel like these thoughts are pulling me away from God so I want this out of my head, there were times it really influenced my mind. I had many sleepless nights, It's all thanks to God that I'm still alive till these days. I'm anxious that I'll stay like this forever so I'm here now, asking for help. I'm also anxious about not doing the compulsions or not responding to the thoughts because if I don't reply maybe it's true and God will get mad at me.

CreepioisDaddy

Date posted: 3y

@law7 Well, the good news is that these thoughts certainly won’t last forever! If anything, I would recommend talking to your parents about setting up an appointment with a religious OCD specialist (or just an OCD specialist if there aren’t any in your area that work in the area of religious OCD). I’m praying for you. Remember that God loves you and wants to help you to get better too.

law7

Date posted: 3y

Now I'm worried that I'm using God's name in vain or using for popularity.

CreepioisDaddy

Date posted: 3y

If it helps, it doesn’t seem like you are. But be very careful not to reassurance seek. That will only strengthen the compulsions.

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Religious OCD Scrupulosity

Hello everyone. I was just wanting to post on here regarding a situation that I have been dealing with for a few months now. I have been taking my walk with Christ seriously for about a year now and ever since I started I’ve noticed a bunch of intrusive thoughts and it’s caused me much distress. It all started back in June of 2024. I missed a church service because my wife and I were taking care of our daughter and I went to a Best But store and upgraded my old Apple Watch to a new one. I felt like doing so I committed idolatry because I went and bought that instead of going to church. I felt immense guilt for doing so and the next day I cancelled my order. I thought that maybe I was over thinking the entire thing so I went ahead and placed a new order and got the watch. For two weeks after getting the watch, I ruminated about whether I should keep it or not. It didn’t feel right with me and was overwhelmed with guilt for having it and it was debilitated with anxiety and stress. Eventually I decided I would just give it back so I went to go return it on the last day I could do so only to find out I could not. I thought that was a sign from God that I could keep it. I felt the most relief after that that I had experienced in quite awhile but then the next day after I started have thoughts again thinking that I didn’t try hard enough to return it and that I’m some how putting it before God. Well eventually I came to terms that there was nothing I could do about it and I was able to stop worrying about it being an idol. Well my mind jumped from that to another thing in my life and this one has been harder to get over. I have been on hair loss medication for 7 years and I had a thought one day telling me that “if I’m a true follower of Christ, then I shouldn’t take the medicine because I’m placing too much importance on my looks” I again felt immense anxiety and dread and tried fighting these thoughts away but could not help but think” what if it is and this is conviction of the Holy spirit”? I would constantly look up online any answers I could find to help relieve my anxiety but I can’t. I pray to God all the time for his will to be done in this situation and sometimes I feel better but then it all comes back. It’s hard for me to read the Bible because there’s so much about idolatry I always feel like it’s God talking to me like it’s a sign or if I’m just taking it that way? I asked God to show give me an answer about this situation and a day later a YouTuber I follow posted a video about removing idols from our lives. I felt that was God speaking to me or wasn’t sure maybe it was a coincidence? I just feel so cornered and out under so much pressure on what to do. Of course I would like to keep taking my medicine because it has helped me but then I have thoughts that tell me it is an idol because I am not able to give it up. I cut back taking the medicine a lot more often over the last months but I don’t know if this is God telling me to do so or my own mind. Like if I want to keep my hair I believe God allows healing through medication and it’s a gift. But these thoughts are telling me that I rely on taking it and it’s an idol and that unless I give it up completely I’m not following God’s will and it’s an idol. It’s caused immense doubt because then I read Romans 14 and it says anything you do with doubt is sin because it’s not of faith. I feel like I’m being attacked and cornered because I’m forced to stop taking something that has helped me. Now I have thoughts telling me to stop wearing my retainers every night because I got Invisalign a few years back to fix my teeth and that unless I stop taking my medication and wearing my retainers I’m not authentically following God. I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want to go against God and I don’t want to commit idolatry. I know God is all loving so I doubt this is all coming from him. I have to take/wear these things daily for them to work and the ocd will twist that in saying they are idols because of that and I just feel so cornered and defeated. I try to find things constantly online to see if anyone else has similar issues but I can’t. I know this is a long post but just trying to get some clarity on the matter. What should I do to help my situation?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Religious OCD, ashamed of my thoughts

I am a christian guy who grew up in a christian community and family. For as long as i remember, ive had horrible thoughts about all kinds of things that i dont know where to begin. Due to my extreme thoughts, i feel as if i am unworthy of practicing my religioin, such as praying, reading, meditating, etc. I feel ashamed when i go to church, as if i dont belong there because i feel like i am secretely evil, and that God knows i am evil and i am committing blasphemy by going there, and refusing to "repent", from my thoughts. But then again, my thoughts are just thoughts, sure. So whats the problem? - The problem is that in my faith, i have been taught that we must control our thoughts, so they do not get power over us to make us commit sin. Such as "If you think lustfully about a woman, you have already committed adultery with her in your heart". This verse has killed my self esteem, due to the constant unwanted sexual and disturbing thoughts. It makes me feel like a monster, who secretely just wants to abuse and be horrible to people, even though i know very well i do not want this. Sometimes i think horrible things about the people i love very much, such as my girlfriend. It feels so wrong and evil, even though i know it isnt my true will.

Cammy123

Date posted: 6w

Religious OCD

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

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Does anyone else feel this way? Scrupulosity, HOCD

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