Pocd

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone really describe what I experience with unwanted sexual feelings like I get this strong need to m*sterbate to these thoughts and it seems a lot like desire because of how I feel such a need to act on it when I would never ever do that I could never be a pedophile. But what if I’m in denial and one because of this strong feeling like that’s what I want to do and it’s not just a groinal response it gets really intense but I never have acted on it and never will. I would never in a million years want to hurt a child ever.. I just want to give up. I’d kill myself if I was actually a p and that’s what makes me think I’m in denial cuz I actually would do that if I ever gave in to the thoughts in any way… I hate this. And I apologize to anyone who has helped me under my posts because I am grateful for your help but it seems like no one with pocd truly goes through what I do. Also, I realize how annoying I’m being with the amount of times I post constantly I just am so desperate to hear that I’m not alone in my experience. I’m sorry

Ocd_bean

Date posted: 3y

I am currently going through what you're experiencing. I think the more you get get anxiety the more you think those urges are growing but in reality it's just anxiety giving you that feeling. Like example have you ever felt like you were having a chest pain and then you get anxiety and next you notice your arm is hurting and convinced you're going to die. Well for me it's kinda like that I get so much anxiety towards my thoughts my brain makes me feel like I'm having urges down there but it's not really something I want to act on. I promise it gets better but don't let these thoughts scare you. The more you normalize them in your head the less you will have because your mind will be like eh I know that's not me cause you won't be so scared to even think the thought. I hope things get better for you and you can't gain your trust back in yourself to know you wouldn't do those things truly.

aquarius_grl🤍

Date posted: 3y

Thank you that’s good advice, I started to realize it has helped a lot to just be in sync with my body when I’m having the groinal response and that I don’t need to link it to these thoughts, like I’m allowed to let my body feel that way ya know

Ocd_bean

Date posted: 3y

Sorry I meant can* gain your trust back in yourself to feel like you're in control of your thoughts

Ocd_bean

Date posted: 3y

By the way I'm not a therapist or anything this is what's just helped for me personally

Anomynous

Date posted: 12w

What's happening is that you try to give yourself a form of reassurance and certainty by masturbating to it, it doesn't matter if you like or not, our brain wants an answer and it doesn't if you are attracted to it or not. It scans for danger and when it finds it, it uses self pleasure as a coping mechanism to get relief, but what it does, is that it intensifies the symptoms and it makes you think they are more real everytime, at least for me that's what happens. Our brains "fire alarm" is constantly ringing because of OCD this is why we get sudden "fake urges". You should check Chrissie Hodges on YouTube she has been a great help for me, wish you recovery 👍.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 15w

I don’t understand who I am

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??

POCD

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15w

I feel so scared all the time

I’ve given up with the confessing. I feel so drained and irredeemable that why even confess anymore? I don’t know if this is a good thing. On paper, it looks great. My bf thinks I’m better, but I feel like I’m dying. The attraction, arousal, urges, compulsions are all getting so much stronger. I feel like I’m embracing a monster. The POCD is driving me mad. I genuinely cannot see kids anymore because it’s immediate checking compulsions and intrusions. I need help. Has anyone gotten to this point and made it back to “normal”? I feel like a pedophile who is simply ashamed of being one.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 14w

I can’t tell wether or not I have pocd

Tw Fyi I have not been diagnosed with pocd, but many people say that I have it, So I was m#sturbating to regular p#rn, beforehand I kept telling myself that I don’t like kids and that I won’t m#strivate to them, when I started finishing to the video, thoughts of kids flashed in my head, idk if it means anything or not, but I didn’t feel any shame, disgust, worry, dread, or panic. I know that I’m supposed to feel that, but I’m worried that it wasn’t pocd, but a reflection of what I actually want because they came as I started finishing. Idk if I enjoyed the thoughts or not, but I’m worried I do because I was finishing while having them. I also know that neutrality towards those thoughts is a sign of pedophilia, I don’t wish to like kids nor do I ever want to m#sturbate to them, but now I’m worried I am a pedo because I didn’t feel dread, panic, disgust, or shame after finishing. Idk if it was a reflection of what I actually want or not, but I don’t want to finish to kids, I think I don’t want to, but idk if I actually do or not. I don’t understand myself and I don’t know if what I have is pocd or not, even though so many ppl said that I have it, even my therapist when my therapist gave me a short diagnosis. I also felt a wave of relief after I finished, idk why I felt that but the thoughts also went away, it make me think that those thoughts while I was climaxing was a reflection of what I actually wanted. Can someone please give me some advice on this stuff? (edited) Also ever since the start of all of this I felt a sense of attraction towards some kids I've seen, I keep looking back on those memories to see if I was actually attracted or not, I can't figure it out, I hope it was all false attraction, I can't tell if I want the feeling or not.

POCD

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