Psychosis

Sorry to hear you’re having a flare up of OCD. So, you looked up psychosis and saw some things that resonated w/ you, eh? Note the pattern: Thought (Am I psychotic?) > Thought causes anxiety > Attempt to reduce anxiety through compulsions (e.g. researching “psychosis”, seeking reassurance that you’re not psychotic, however, still having doubts about having OCD) > More anxiety > More researching, googling, etc. Maybe googling something like “thought of hurting someone” and up comes some result for a serial killer > ANXIETY GOES MAX. > Time to convince myself I’m sane, that I’d never actually do these terrible things in my head… but, would I?., and so on. So, these are the themes: people with OCD think they’re one of the three “mad (as in nuts), bad, or dangerous”. How? The importance OCD sufferers place upon thoughts, i.e. every weird or troubling thought “means” something. Right now, if I were to bet, your google history is filled with “symptoms of psychosis”, “Are these thoughts signs of psychosis?” “Am I a paranoid psychophrenic”. What do these have in common? You’re engaging in a compulsion, viz. seeking reassurance that you’re NOT psychotic. Now, I’d also be quite willing to bet your google search doesn’t contain the following “how to get away with killing everyone”. This will probably give you momentarily relief that I’ve said that, but then you’ll do the same thing as before, viz. but DO I want to learn how to kill everyone? And, so goes the reassurance again. We all have thoughts of harming people. I had thoughts like that today. I forgot about them until now. But they’re not to be feared. You have a value system in your heart, and these ego-dystonic thoughts are perceived as real threat, when they’re simply just thoughts, no different than anyone else. Your problem isn’t that you want to hurt people. Your problem is your desire for “absolute certainty” that you aren’t “nuts” and “wouldn’t hurt someone”.

Post 2 of 2. So, my point is simply that OCD-sufferers place an enormous amount of importance & “meaning” on thoughts, when they’re simply the mind “doing its thing” so to speak. The average person doesn’t notice the weird thoughts they have, as they just don’t.. well, “care”. They’ll say, at most, “well that’s weird” and move on. Not so w/ OCD. With OCD, you look at the image in your head of you killing all your loved ones and try to neutralize it w/ reassurance “but I’d never do this, would I?!” “This isn’t what I really want, is it?” “Am I psychotic? Oh no!!!!” “I need to get rid of these thoughts, what kind of person am I?!!” “WHY AREN’T THE THOUGHTS GOING AWAY?!! I MUST BE INSANE!!!!!”, and, so on.

Well, it’s a good first step! =) OCD is a weird beast; it turns your fearful thoughts into anxieties about what you potentially “did” or “would” or “want to do”. The complulsion underlying ALL this is the desire for reassurance (“I wouldn’t really do that, would I? I love my family!! How could I ever dare think of such a thing?! I must be monstrous or insane!!!”). The problem: Attaching “meaning” to your random weird thoughts or concepts. Then: compulsively trying to undo them by seeking absolute certainty and reassurance. Again: your problem is NOT that you are a danger to others, or that you’re insane. Your problem is your inability to live without certainty and reassurance.

And you’re welcome! ☺️