Feels like I genuinely want the thoughts and I'm happy about them š£ I find myself think about a life with a woman and my boyfriend doesn't even feel like my boyfriend anymore.. This is just all too hard.
i understand iām so sorry you feel like this. keep going i believe in you. donāt be afraid to ask for help. you deserve to feel good
Thank you so much for the encouragement ā„ļø
I feel this so much. It feels like Iām just torturing myself by continuing to push through on the grounds of living the life I want. Itās like all the things I wanted and dreamed of before this no longer excite me or make me happy. Itās hard to say I even want them anymore and im engaged to the love of my life(even saying that feels like a lie)ā¦.. sad
Me too. I feel like i would be torturing myself if I continue like this š£š which further "proves" that it must be true... It's so damn hard and I feel so guilty. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been dealing with this?
@Material.Gorl Since October of last year:(
@alandy Sorry to hear that š stay strong and continue pushing forward no matter what ā¤ļø
@Material.Gorl You too friendā¤ļø better days ahead!
I donāt know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i havenāt got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they donāt bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and thatās what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
Right now I feel like Iāve realized something awful. Like maybeā¦ I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasnāt ROCD ā maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. Thatās the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe Iāve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I āshould,ā not because I truly want to. I canāt remember how it felt to love him ā and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like Iām faking it. Like Iām playing a role, not being myself. But the thing isā¦ Iām not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this ārealizationā come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I donāt want to hurt him. I donāt want to lose him. But I also donāt want to keep living like this ā doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like Iām stuck in a cycle I canāt break, and Iām scared Iāll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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