Kind of struggling right now… I think I wrote something terrible down in a clients note and I took the name down to check and I think I threw my note away. I’m so anxious

On Sunday at work I was stressed and I was anxious all day about ruining my relationship and I disappeared off camera for 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m trying to figure out why and it’s bothering me because I don’t remember I know all morning I was trying to stay on camera so I can prove to myself that I was fine but I think as the day went on like after I video called my boyfriend I felt better and wasn’t paying too much attention to being off camera but I went into the back of the store like the kitchen area and there’s no camera so I was off camera for 2 min 30 seconds and it’s scaring me because idk what I was doing so I’m trying to figure it out and it’s driving me nuts my mind is saying that I did something to ruin my relationship in those 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m so anxious and spiraling I can’t stop thinking about it and talking about it. I just want to enjoy my relationship without feeling guilty.

I woke up disassociating really bad ,I was super tired and if you read my prev post I've been having problems w depersonalization after a bad thc trip the other night. Im so so so scared I just said a slur or whispered it to myself because I cant properly remember things rn. I remember getting the thought and im scared i whispered it to myself and I cant tell if it happened or not bc waking up things feel rly blurry . It feels really real. I would never want to say such a word and im scared i did bc I was so out of it. I dont remember if i just had the thought or acted on it

I did post about this the other day, but I’m just genuinely worried like this happened many years ago and I can’t really remember exactly what I said, but I have a feeling like I said something really mean and I think I lashed out on a person like a stranger cause I don’t know I was probably going through something and I’m afraid that like it was so bad it caused them to hurt themselves and now I keep thinking like what if the police are secretly looking for me because the harm caused, even though I have no evidence of any of this, but even this Happened like a deca ago, it still haunts me like I really hope that the person is OK and I constantly like keep reviewing like their conversation over and over again like in my mind like I genuinely feel like a bad person maybe even a criminal 😃