I had a dream I was with my partner and I was doing stuff with him but he looked really ugly in the dream like chunky. It made me really sad in the dream and I started getting intrusive thoughts like “see you were never attracted to him”. And yesterday I was on t he lesbian subbreddit and one girl said when she had a boyfriend she would just analyze the physical sensations. At the very beginning of our relationship I would do that as well sometimes when I felt awkward or insecure or anxious. My memory of him feels so twisted like I never truly loved him and like it was all for validation but I’ve done that before and my boyfriend feels nothing like that. He’s so pure and the way I feel or well felt idk anymore about him was so pure. He was the first guy that made me put down my walls and start being more considerate of others needs and how to be kind and sweet. He made me feel like a kid on Christmas and everytime I’m around him I feel like I’m flying. Intimacy has been a rough path due to my anxiety and ocd but I just want him like that. Only him. Why does my mind betray me like this ??? :(