Hard day :/ need support

Having a difficult time today, it's like when I improve a bit OCD ups the ante. My brain won't be quiet and it sucks :( When I hold my baby, I get intrusive thoughts and urges and every little muscle twitch I make feels like I did something wrong. I hate it so much, I try to do my ERP but sometimes the thoughts are so fast and powerful that it's hard :/ and sometimes I feel like I'm doing things wrong. Idk. I've been rationalizing and stuff a lot. It's like the more I do, the more I think "at least I don't want to do that!", then I feel like I want to...it twists every little thing to feel like this is who I am :(. Then I panic. It's like it wants certainty of me doing a bad thing so I can isolate as a bad person without a doubt. Anyone else feel like this? it really sucks rn and I could use encouragement :/ thanks

Tyran

Date posted: 3y

I know the road to recovery can get extremely tough and incredibly frustrating . I’ve walked that road 2 years ago. An I’m here to say whats on the other side is worth it🤘🏼. Hint: your feelings cannot be trusted because they are controlled by ocd. Do not try to use them to prove you’re a good person or to prove that you wouldn’t do a particular thing. You know you’re a good person somewhere deep inside of you that can’t be explained ❤️ don’t try to figure it out. just accept it and continue with your daily activities. You’ve got this🙏🏽❤️🎊👌😁

HugsToAll

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much :) that really helps me, I really appreciate it :)

Sweetpants1985

Date posted: 3y

I feel like this Everyday, recently it’s been bad for a couple months. Four years ago though right after I had my son I felt this a lot, and it left me feeling broken.

Sweetpants1985

Date posted: 3y

I’m really sorry your experiencing these things

HugsToAll

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for sharing, I'm sorry you're feeling like that too :/ it's nice to know I'm not alone. We can do this :)

frannyb

Date posted: 19w

I can't do this anymore

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I don’t know what’s wrong

I can’t stop crying. My thoughts are going insane, they’re so fast I can’t keep up. I want to tell everyone around me what’s happening (my family doesn’t even know about my OCD). I can’t seem to resist compulsions today. I’m freaking out. I want to give up. I feel like I’m suffocating in whatever is going on. I feel like I need to go to a hospital. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t feel okay. I don’t understand this at all. It feels like I took some random drug. I’m really scared I’m sorry, I am so panicked. It’s embarrassing but I feel so desperate for help right now I feel crazy

nae nae

Date posted: 7w

Tired of feeling like a bad person

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

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Hard day :/ need support

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