Is this ocd? What step should I take?

Sorry for long text.I've been struggling with false memories since a month ago and I suspect it is coming with depression due to my severe rumination. I'm in a 7 month relationship and I'm deeply in love. Nowadays I'm struggling with myself and my relationship because I thought I might have cheated. I thought I might have kissed a friend last Friday while we were talking. Yes exactly while I was talking to that friend that situation entered into my head and I couldn't figure out between is real or not. 5 days have passed, there's no evidence about that and I don't have any flashbacks. I try to go back to that moment, at the beginning I didn't at all but now I do every day and there's nothing. I don't remember a kiss and his reaction and my feelings during that action. But the thought and feeling I could have cheated are persistent. At the beginning (first days, friday and Saturday) I was really afraid of my boyfriend and I couldn't talk to him. There were moments were I was able to rise and say "I don't remember that kiss so nothing happened" but now I can't rise anymore even if I don't remember nothing. When I rised then I thought or felt that I don't remember but maybe my friend does remember everything. He haven't told me anything about that, like nothing happened. I use to think that he knows and his friends and it could be a fact I don't want to remember so I blocked my memory to not believe it. First because I don't like that friend and second because would hate being a cheater and hurting the person I love. Monday I reunited with my bf and I stayed at his home. My anxiety levels where high. Whenever I kissed him, hugged him, or touched him I thought "you're making a fool of him" "how dare tou" "if he just knows" "did you really do it?" "I need a straight answer" "what if everything ends" "what if you don't want to admit it and don't want to make charge of it" "don't pretend nothing happened" "you have to remember the truth" I don't know if these are genuine thoughts or OCD thoughts. I don't even know if this is OCD anymore but since the beginning, since I started to think about this cheating thing I felt its presence, I related it to be possibly OCD. What makes me ruminate is maybe I use OCD as an excuse and every mistake I make I'll believe on purpose it is OCD talking. As I said I can't differentiate between myself or OCD. I don't know if this is an ocd case or reality. I don't know what is my next step, discovering it is true, asking my friend to confirm and confessing this to my boyfriend or discovering it is OCD, work hard to stop ruminating and keep moving on. I don't know which path choose. I don't have just thoughts but feelings. A deep feeling I did something bad, a constant heartache.

Angel20

Date posted: 3y

Just to say I completely understand what you’re going through. I suffer from false memory ocd and this is exactly the same pattern that my ocd takes. Obviously I have no idea if you did or didn’t kiss your friend but what I find helps me is to think back to something that you KNOW is definitely real that you feel bad about. I find that that memory will feel somehow different and you won’t be doubting it. I work on the theory that if it was real and causing you this much anxiety you wouldn’t be doubting it. I’m not trying to reassure you but just saying what helps me a little in these moments.

Arándano

Date posted: 3y

Yeah, If I thought around 4 times "no, I didn't kiss him" at least during seconds before ruminating again, then I want to believe it didn't happen. And when he left my worry was strong, I was almost convinced something happened but I wrote a note for myself notifying I didn't remember how it happened and all the details, most memories that come later will probably be my imagination because of my false memory symptoms. Thank you a lot for answering, I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this but I'm sorry you suffer from ocd. This event hit me harder because is more realistic than my other imagined events.

.Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

ROCD/False Memory

I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?

DannyO507

Date posted: 16w

I need help

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

marryyyy

Date posted: 12w

moral , event , cheating OCD i need help please !!

I’m currently in a very emotionally stressful situation with my partner. We had a huge argument because I did something I had promised not to do again: I looked at my ex-partner’s profile. To me, it didn’t have any real emotional meaning. It was impulsive, meaningless, almost automatic. But my partner was deeply hurt – and I understand why. I told him about it. We talked. It was hard. But after that, things got even worse for me. I suddenly remembered that it didn’t just happen once. And since then, I’ve been stuck in this thought loop and I don’t know if it’s OCD or not So, should I tell him that it was more than once?”– if I should tell him, even if it might mean he’ll leave me. Should I confess this? I urgently need advice. I don’t know if this is OCD or not – the thought suddenly came to me in that situation. I have been formally diagnosed with OCD. But if I know that my partner would see this as very serious and might possibly leave me over it – shouldn’t I still tell him? I feel so awful and I’m having panic attacks. Is this OCD?

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Is this ocd? What step should I take?

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