How do I know

How do I know if these thoughts about leaving my partner are real or not? I have been feeling these things for a while, and they are agitated by problems/fears of physical intimacy and desires of my partner to have kids in the future. Is it possible to love someone but want something else? I am tired of feeling this way and it has taken a toll on my mental health. My husband is wonderful but I feel so much cognitive dissonance on the inside, like what if this isnt what I really want, this future? But I cant bear making a decision because I dont want to hurt him. But I am suffering greatly with these feelings. How does one know if these feelings are OCD?

Ruthy98

Date posted: 3y

OCD wants you to think they are actual issues. If they were issues, you would not feel how you do now, you’d accept it and try and work them out. Don’t make any decisions when you’re in this frame of mind

Sunny4

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I appreciate your support! Sometimes its not a back and forth in my head, rather it feels like an urge to break up and that that is the answer, what I actually want. So my main trails off and thinks out scenarios. Why does that happen? And its not always anxiety I feel as a response, more like distress and like I cant do anything else before its resolved. I guess I still try to reassure myself, its not always so obvious though.

Ruthy98

Date posted: 3y

@Sunny4 Unfortunately this is just the way of OCD, it makes you doubt if it’s even OCD and make you feel like you need to take action and find an answer right away. My therapist sent me this video on ROCD which is very good, it goes into why we have the urge to leave the relationship - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIkjc_DkP_w Give it a go!

Ruthy98

Date posted: 3y

Hi Sunny4, the fact that you are trying to answer that question is what is keeping you in this loop of OCD. One big thing I have learnt in my OCD journey is to never try and work out the answer to your OCD questions and fears but instead answer them with non-engagement responses such as “that could happen, who knows, anything is possible”. It’s much easier said than done, as I’m finding out myself. I struggle to not ruminate and try to answer the questions myself but it does take practice. Hold on there, the thoughts will subside. Try not to seek reassurance, your mind will thank you in the long run.

Sunny4

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Yes I think you are right. But these feel like actual issues that need to be solved, my fears about engaging in sex and whether I want to have kids in the future. I dont want to lead my partner on if these are not things I want :(.

Sunny4

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Thanks! I watched it and it was helpful. But what if the theme isnt purely ROCD in the traditional sense, rather its the fear/feeling of living a life you dont actually want. Like you need to break up not because you are unsure if you love your partner but more because there are issues like intimacy/prospect of having kids and fear of not having choice, that you actually want something else. Of not being free. Hard to explain.

Ruthy98

Date posted: 3y

The “what if” is a massive thing in OCD and is not helpful. So what if that’s the case? Anything is possible!! Make no decisions until you’re anxiety subsides.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

Companionship vs love

Does anyone else worry and obsess over whether they desire companionship w their partner or if they actually love them? This is a fairly new obsession for me and before this I was so sure and willing to move toward, but now with this I’m feeling like this is my truth.. that I just want companionship with him and I’m not actually in love with him :( and this hurts man I don’t want just companionship I want him for him and I want to grow with him and have a deep meaningful relationship but the feelings ocd gives me feels like that’s a lie and I don’t actually love him deeply, but it’s so weird because I don’t experience that feeling of knowing deep down that it’s true the way I do with soocd. With soocd now I know deep down being with a woman isn’t what I want, and I don’t feel that certainty now with feeling like I don’t love my bf, but it feels like there’s no other option and all this trouble I’m going through to be happy with him is proof I don’t love him

WhoAmIReally

Date posted: 24w

I am not doing well. ROCD

I feel like I want to break up with my partner and go off and experience things like falling in love and butterflies and magic again. My partner is my home and my family and my rock and we’re compatible but sometimes it feels like I have these unfulfilled needs. And then ocd comes in and SCREAMS about these things and pulls me away from my partner. We’ve been together ten years. It says leave leave leave leave leave. And I feel like deep down I don’t want to stay. But I know love is a choice. How can I choose to stay when my body is screaming rub. I know I have ocd, and this is what ocd feels like, and I also have a lot of trauma regards to attachment. Am I being a coward??? Will this ever end?

Relationship OCD

polish_germa...

Date posted: 16w

Can it still be OCD if I don’t feel sexual attraction to my partner anymore?

Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.

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