I think I have meta OCD. And I just did my first active erp exposure. Afterwards I doubted if I did it right, if I got the “right amount” of anxiety, if this is going to help me. Does anyone else experience this? I feel like it’s hard to get better with this type of doubt.
It’s almost like I told myself before the exposure like “this is probably not going to work because I probably don’t even have ocd”
Hi! I just want to say kudos to you for doing your first active ERP exposure. That's such a brave and empowering step! Unfortunately, with OCD we never get to be certain about anything. In fact, no one (OCD-aside) gets to be certain about anything. Not being certain about whether you're doing the exposures correctly or if you're feeling the "right" amount of anxiety isn't information you're going to know either. The goal is to sit with whatever anxiety that does come and allow it to just be there. The goal is to tolerate that discomfort without engaging in any compulsions. So, you'll want to do your exposure and when you have thoughts like "maybe, i'm doing this all wrong or maybe i'm not anxious enough" a good way to respond is just by saying "maybe or maybe not." Then, sit with the anxiety anyway and repeat the exposure over and over until you don't feel anxious or until your anxiety has decreased dramatically. Now, it's possible that you may not feel too much anxiety if the ERP exercise isn't hard enough. This is a case where you'll want to work with a NOCD therapist so they can help you build a hierarchy of exposures. In this hierarchy, each exposure will gradually get harder and harder. But, even then, the goal is always the same: sit with discomfort and don't engage in compulsions. I hope this helps! You got this! :)
Yes. This. Like, did I do treatment right/perfectly. And the whole meta thing about probably not having ocd. I always think I made my symptoms up and that my brain actually wants to have ocd and this is all my fault
Yeah, during the exposure I was like “I’m probably just forcing this anxiety”. I feel worse now but I don’t know how I am supposed to feel after exposure
@kctg I would talk to your therapist! I’m sure this happens to a lot of people with ocd, it being what it is. It sounds like your chances for hope and treatment are being sabatoged because your ocd is afraid of being made to go away. This is what I’ve experienced
@therese24 Yeah. Also this was my first time doing a planned exposure so I think it’s normal to question it. I’m so tired now though haha
I’ve had similar thoughts. One thing that my therapist in the past told me was to just do things good enough. Good enough can actually be better than perfect often times. There’s a whole theory and whole books about it
I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.
What would I do for ERP if my OCD says because I didn’t do something correctly or remember something I will have panic attacks that don’t end?
I’m thinking about doing erp but my ocd is so severe the thought of accepting my fears happening to me makes me sick to my stomach. I also believe in the power of my words and saying I accept this Bad thing will attract it into my life. I’m not sure what I should do🥲
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