All these different themes are like me living In my worst nightmare, I don’t want any of these thoughts and I accept the uncertainty behind them, but I just want to be back to me. I’m looking for any advice
Well, I also from time to time suffer from Sexual Orientation OCD. When I watched documentaries about transgenders, I also had Transgender OCD for a while, but that resolved itself on its own, as I felt certainty, that I like being a woman. When I worry about maybe being a lesbian, saying - Well, it wouldn't be bad, if I was... so who cares? - it gets better quickly, but then sometimes it pops up and I can't easily say that and SO OCD gets its grip around me again... My former therapist told me to neither say "yes", or "no" to my OCD thoughts, but "maybe". This maybe helped me a lot with keeping my magical thoughts at bay. Other therapists before her always told me to say "yes" to my thoughts and that's what I never really could do. Unfortunately, with regards to POCD, thinking "maybe" is often too hard to accomplish. My advice is to seek ERP therapy with a therapist who is specialized in OCD.
Thank you so much, my ocd started with soocd, then reading about subtypes it latched onto trans aswell. I’m confident in being a male and that’s all I’ll ever want, it’s more the fear of being trans and I find that thought so scary, I’ll try to say maybe but similar for your pocd it’s just so difficult for me to accept the possibility
How long did ur tocd last ?
@melissaaa I’ve still got it pretty bad, been around 2 weeks
I totally understand... For me, it is not only the thought of being lesbian, but what that would mean. When I still had a partner, I had been scared more by SO, as it would have meant, that I would have to leave him. Did you ever try ERP therapy?
I did about 3 sessions, this was all before my trans subtype. It certainly worked for my soocd, but ocd found something else. To latch onto sadly):
Hi! I understand how painful OCD can be. I'd like to validate what you're feeling by saying that themes can and often do change and it can feel so distressing. However, we always go back to the gold standard of treatment—ERP! It does get better if you put in the work! Also, sometimes therapy alone may not work for people, sometimes a combination of therapy and medication can be helpful for people. If you're working with a NOCD therapist, definitely ask them about all of your options. Here are some resources that may be helpful to you: https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/how-to-respond-to-unwanted-obsessive-thoughts/#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20one%20right,if%20you%20wish%20to%20entertain. Also, the Fear Cast podcast is great. This episode is about changing themes: https://fearcastpodcast.com/2022/03/08/flavor-of-the-week/ And, here is one about recovery and if people can actually get better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgt5Xd0kOGE&t=103s You got this! :)
Dear A., thanks so much. ☺️
It feels it always tries a way to sneak back in... Aged 14 I took SSRIs for the first time, I had been completely OCD free for two weeks, then it came back as strong as before. It really feels, that my brain is inclined that way and I have to fight OCD and am not able to take the easy route (medication) to tame it. But if ERP worked for SO OCD, try it again for T OCD. See it like Pedusa, you need to cut off every snake, it is not enough to just cut off one.
I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭
I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.
I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression
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