All these different themes are like me living In my worst nightmare, I don’t want any of these thoughts and I accept the uncertainty behind them, but I just want to be back to me. I’m looking for any advice
Well, I also from time to time suffer from Sexual Orientation OCD. When I watched documentaries about transgenders, I also had Transgender OCD for a while, but that resolved itself on its own, as I felt certainty, that I like being a woman. When I worry about maybe being a lesbian, saying - Well, it wouldn't be bad, if I was... so who cares? - it gets better quickly, but then sometimes it pops up and I can't easily say that and SO OCD gets its grip around me again... My former therapist told me to neither say "yes", or "no" to my OCD thoughts, but "maybe". This maybe helped me a lot with keeping my magical thoughts at bay. Other therapists before her always told me to say "yes" to my thoughts and that's what I never really could do. Unfortunately, with regards to POCD, thinking "maybe" is often too hard to accomplish. My advice is to seek ERP therapy with a therapist who is specialized in OCD.
Thank you so much, my ocd started with soocd, then reading about subtypes it latched onto trans aswell. I’m confident in being a male and that’s all I’ll ever want, it’s more the fear of being trans and I find that thought so scary, I’ll try to say maybe but similar for your pocd it’s just so difficult for me to accept the possibility
How long did ur tocd last ?
@melissaaa I’ve still got it pretty bad, been around 2 weeks
I totally understand... For me, it is not only the thought of being lesbian, but what that would mean. When I still had a partner, I had been scared more by SO, as it would have meant, that I would have to leave him. Did you ever try ERP therapy?
I did about 3 sessions, this was all before my trans subtype. It certainly worked for my soocd, but ocd found something else. To latch onto sadly):
Hi! I understand how painful OCD can be. I'd like to validate what you're feeling by saying that themes can and often do change and it can feel so distressing. However, we always go back to the gold standard of treatment—ERP! It does get better if you put in the work! Also, sometimes therapy alone may not work for people, sometimes a combination of therapy and medication can be helpful for people. If you're working with a NOCD therapist, definitely ask them about all of your options. Here are some resources that may be helpful to you: https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/how-to-respond-to-unwanted-obsessive-thoughts/#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20one%20right,if%20you%20wish%20to%20entertain. Also, the Fear Cast podcast is great. This episode is about changing themes: https://fearcastpodcast.com/2022/03/08/flavor-of-the-week/ And, here is one about recovery and if people can actually get better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgt5Xd0kOGE&t=103s You got this! :)
Dear A., thanks so much. ☺️
It feels it always tries a way to sneak back in... Aged 14 I took SSRIs for the first time, I had been completely OCD free for two weeks, then it came back as strong as before. It really feels, that my brain is inclined that way and I have to fight OCD and am not able to take the easy route (medication) to tame it. But if ERP worked for SO OCD, try it again for T OCD. See it like Pedusa, you need to cut off every snake, it is not enough to just cut off one.
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭
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