i think if I had to put a label on my OCD id call it "sexual scrupulosity"--im obsessed with searching for "evidence" that im a sexual predator, or that i coerced consent out of someone, or that i groomed someone into consenting to sexual conversations even if explicit consent was given and maintained, etc etc. I know exactly where these thoughts and obsessions came from and which traumas caused them to be so prominent, but no amount of logical thinking helps them be less distressing it's especially difficult when it combines with real event ocd--"did this person lie about their age? were they actually a legal adult? were they able to consent? was the consent fully informed and uncoerced?" what this means is that consent and respecting consent is extremely important to me, but i can't escape this bizarre alternate reality my OCD has formed where I'm a predator or pervert waiting for people to "find out" about my degeneracy. it feels almost like im hiding a double life help??

yeah, I'm the same way... When I see a story about someone harassing people or doing insidious things especially over the internet my brain says "you have done these things too, and it's only a matter of time until you're caught" which.. is just not true?? if someone lied to me, then it's MY consent that's rendered invalid, because I wasn't able to make an informed decision. and if I push my own boundaries and am uncomfortable about it later? it's ME who was uncomfortable, not anyone else.

@lotsofthemesluke the problem is a lot of my interactions happen online, where tone and intent is harder to read, and where it's easier to be lied to. what if that person who said they were 18 was actually 17?? it's scary!!

Same!!! Sometimes I'll get into it and then just have a panic attack midway through--"think about all the people you could have abused or hurt"--and I can't keep going because I just freak out

For me things are "ok" once they turn 19 because then they've been an adult for a full year... but I only discovered I had that very specific boundary after having already interacted w 18yos in 18+ spaces, thereby making me feel like a predator :/ Like I'm still a young adult, I'm 23, and it's not like I've been seeking relationships with anyone and I met all these people in spaces specifically designated for discussing kink... and still!!!!

I want to be able to express sexuality in safe spaces instead of pretending I don't have any desire to talk about or engage with it out of a desire to stay pure Unfortunately it DID end up triggering the hell out of me, and now it's eating away at my ability to enjoy my hobbies and daily life

UNDERSTANDABLE! I don't blame you for that, I usually only hang around in places where people have had their IDs verified so I know they're above age of majority

@lotsofthemesluke Oh, there are places like that?

I am in fact 23 lol That's whats giving me so much angst, because in those groups I was in I was interacting w people under 20 so my brains all "you're so much older than them, some of them were barely over 18, you were abusing them by engaging with them as equals" One day we'll be able to see this stuff for what it is (amygdalas freaking tf out for no reason) but it's so hard not to say "healing is making an excuse for obvious crimes" even when nothing happened

@lotsofthemesluke The difficult part is--I have to trust that those people weren't lying minors, and you have to trust that I'm not either Neither of us can ever be 1000% sure unless we see, like, birth certificates, and we have to find peace in uncertainty. as long as we do due diligence to make sure we are talking to adults, that's all we can really do

@lotsofthemesluke Haha, you said it, I often find 100% isn't enough, so I go beyond that an want 150%, or 1000% even.

@Zoë_84 I did not have that much experience with chat sides a bit over a year ago and I trust too easily, so when someone said their age is this and that, I believed them (I can recall, if OCD got me worrying about it right away, or later, but thinking that through would just be doing a compulsion, so I don't). I did address it with friends, as last year and a few weeks ago, it got me worrying very much and I freaked. I had thoughts like - If you are unable with whom you talked "dirty", you have no alternative, but kill yourself - My OCD brain is pretty hard one, one moral failure that has something to do with POCD, or ZOCD and I have no right to stay alive. Anyway I talk to numberous friends and most said, if they lied, it's on them, but some were like - Yeah, you should have made sure. I try to not beat myself up over it, I have learned my lesson. And even though I'm a grown up for years and have more experience, than a teenager, a teenager is not a child and should be able to do some thinking and not hang out on those apps/web sites lying about their age... Still, you know OCD, on some days I can fend it of with that logic, on others I can't.