- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I also have those thoughts about someone lying about their age... and about being a pervet, that will be found out about... A few weeks ago the police drove past, when I walked down the street and I got panicky thinking they came for me. I didn't know why they would, but I really had been scared and worried. So you are not alone with those thoughts... OCD is very creative in how to get at us...
- Date posted
- 3y
yeah, I'm the same way... When I see a story about someone harassing people or doing insidious things especially over the internet my brain says "you have done these things too, and it's only a matter of time until you're caught" which.. is just not true?? if someone lied to me, then it's MY consent that's rendered invalid, because I wasn't able to make an informed decision. and if I push my own boundaries and am uncomfortable about it later? it's ME who was uncomfortable, not anyone else.
- Date posted
- 3y
@lotsofthemesluke the problem is a lot of my interactions happen online, where tone and intent is harder to read, and where it's easier to be lied to. what if that person who said they were 18 was actually 17?? it's scary!!
- Date posted
- 3y
Ah, gotcha... Yes, POCD makes sexuality hard for me, too. The constant checking and negating of POCD thoughts during sex make it less enjoyable, or sometimes not enjoyable at all. I just am never totally open to let go...
- Date posted
- 3y
Same!!! Sometimes I'll get into it and then just have a panic attack midway through--"think about all the people you could have abused or hurt"--and I can't keep going because I just freak out
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes, my friends said the same - He would have lied to you! The blame is on him! - But OCD doesn't care about that... Are you also that particular with age? I had a fellow student who had been 16, or 17, when he started uni, the rest of us had been older. I had issues sitting next to him, but as soon as he had been 18 I had no issues with that anymore. As if him being 17 and 350 days old really was different to him being 17 and 365 days, but for my POCD it matters that much.
- Date posted
- 3y
For me things are "ok" once they turn 19 because then they've been an adult for a full year... but I only discovered I had that very specific boundary after having already interacted w 18yos in 18+ spaces, thereby making me feel like a predator :/ Like I'm still a young adult, I'm 23, and it's not like I've been seeking relationships with anyone and I met all these people in spaces specifically designated for discussing kink... and still!!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
Why did you go to those spaces? It would trigger the h-ll out of me!
- Date posted
- 3y
I want to be able to express sexuality in safe spaces instead of pretending I don't have any desire to talk about or engage with it out of a desire to stay pure Unfortunately it DID end up triggering the hell out of me, and now it's eating away at my ability to enjoy my hobbies and daily life
- Date posted
- 3y
And POCD is getting at me now with "You have no idea how old luke is! You are talking about sex without having asked their age!" I mean, it is not "sexy talk", just exchanging OCD related experiences, but still. :(
- Date posted
- 3y
UNDERSTANDABLE! I don't blame you for that, I usually only hang around in places where people have had their IDs verified so I know they're above age of majority
- Date posted
- 3y
@lotsofthemesluke Oh, there are places like that?
- Date posted
- 3y
Haha, compulsions won, I checked your profile, it says 23... I felt releaved, but not for long as OCD came after me with "Maybe he is a minor just saying he is 23!" Honestly, OCD NEVER gives me a break, I wish I could take a 2 weeks holiday from it.
- Date posted
- 3y
I am in fact 23 lol That's whats giving me so much angst, because in those groups I was in I was interacting w people under 20 so my brains all "you're so much older than them, some of them were barely over 18, you were abusing them by engaging with them as equals" One day we'll be able to see this stuff for what it is (amygdalas freaking tf out for no reason) but it's so hard not to say "healing is making an excuse for obvious crimes" even when nothing happened
- Date posted
- 3y
@lotsofthemesluke The difficult part is--I have to trust that those people weren't lying minors, and you have to trust that I'm not either Neither of us can ever be 1000% sure unless we see, like, birth certificates, and we have to find peace in uncertainty. as long as we do due diligence to make sure we are talking to adults, that's all we can really do
- Date posted
- 3y
@lotsofthemesluke Haha, you said it, I often find 100% isn't enough, so I go beyond that an want 150%, or 1000% even.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Zoë_84 I did not have that much experience with chat sides a bit over a year ago and I trust too easily, so when someone said their age is this and that, I believed them (I can recall, if OCD got me worrying about it right away, or later, but thinking that through would just be doing a compulsion, so I don't). I did address it with friends, as last year and a few weeks ago, it got me worrying very much and I freaked. I had thoughts like - If you are unable with whom you talked "dirty", you have no alternative, but kill yourself - My OCD brain is pretty hard one, one moral failure that has something to do with POCD, or ZOCD and I have no right to stay alive. Anyway I talk to numberous friends and most said, if they lied, it's on them, but some were like - Yeah, you should have made sure. I try to not beat myself up over it, I have learned my lesson. And even though I'm a grown up for years and have more experience, than a teenager, a teenager is not a child and should be able to do some thinking and not hang out on those apps/web sites lying about their age... Still, you know OCD, on some days I can fend it of with that logic, on others I can't.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
maybe a therapist can respond or anyone who relates and experiences this also?? im trying to make sense . ever since ocd started, specifically harm ocd and pocd, sexual themes ocd in general, my brain makes everything sexual or gross. or just makes inappropriate connections with quite literally anything. or any person I see I wonder if they are a p, or if they are “like me”, because im fully convinced at times that im some weird or bad person, and then when i see actual criminals etc i cant help but compare myself to them it’s so weird?????? or sometimes I feel like i cant judge a p because im no different than them?? idk its so weird. rn writing this ik im not a p like what im just struggling with really bad ocd and trauma I hope :( It’s just my brain distorts everything and then it makes me feel worse, like “ur an actual p or pervert because see??? ur brain is sexualizing everything?” hopefully this makes sense
- Date posted
- 23w
TW: themes of sexual abuse, exploitation, etc Hello I am feeling a bit distressed today. I realized I have pretty “sex negative” views which I feel like many stem from OCD and trauma. Some of my feelings are good and I would argue most stem from a healthy place but I feel like they impact my life and emotional state on an unhealthy level. For example feel VERY strongly about CSA, rape, sexual exploitation of any kind, unethical sex etc. I have a strong pattern recognization ability and see how so many things people deem as “sex positive” (porn, onlyfans, casual sex etc) have a net negative effect on society (abuse, cheating, stds, etc) I think a good amount of the population agrees with these values so I don’t feel alone in that but I feel like I spend so much time being sad over these things. I used to listen to a lot of sexual music growing up (mainly mainstream pop like Ke$ha and Rihanna) and then in my teens I listened to a lot of rap. I noticed how this made me sexualize myself growing up which makes me very uncomfortable and sad. Another thing which makes me sad is how so much of the population was exposed to pornography at a young age. I recently was at a estate sale and there were old playboy magazines and this man was showing his son who looked to be about 9 the magazines and it made me so uncomfortable because that’s grooming and abuse. I didn’t know what to do so I just said “ew” but I still feel guilty I did not do anything more. I just don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I am also Catholic and the abuse crisis has deeply impacted my ability to practice my faith. Two priests whom were close to my family got exposed for sexually abusing children. This is a big reason I have not been able to go to confession (which leads me to being unable to receive the Eucharist, which is a big deal). I constantly obsess over the fact I won’t be able to tell who is a sexual predator and it brings me great distress. Also, sexual music, sex scenes in movies, sexual jokes etc all make me deeply uncomfortable. Hearing about my friend’s sexual lives also makes me very uncomfortable and sad for them, in a way, if I deem their experiences unethical. I feel very upset when people sexualize themselves. I also hate when I experience sexual feelings myself and often find myself wishing I was asexual even though I wish to get married and be a mother. I feel judged by society for being a “prude” “puritanical” etc which feels incredibly invalidating as a lot of my trauma involves exploitation under the guise of “liberation” I don’t really know where I’m going here I think I just want to know if anyone feels similarly. I don’t find many people with views and feelings similar to myself. A lot of people online who I feel like my views overlap with (other Catholics, radical feminists, etc) have views which stem from a lot of judgement and hate whereas I feel like I just want everyone to be safe and happy. I think a lot of my feelings stem from my trauma but obsessions from OCD? For my other forms of OCD (contamination, harm, etc) I feel like exposure therapy helps but I don’t know how I’d go about exposure therapy with this then without further causing more distress. I feel very nervous opening up with anyone about this theme. If you read to the end thank you so much❤️🩹 I am sorry if this post was triggering at all to anyone else I just didn’t know where to go to open up about this :(
- Date posted
- 16w
Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...
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