A Victory

I had a panic attack on Friday that caused me to miss my friends’ wedding ceremony. However, before that, I had a triumph wherein I filed my nails and cleaned up the cuticles in under an hour and a half, maybe even under an hour. I know the filing was on the long end of reasonable, but for me it was tremendously good. I let it be “good enough” instead of “striving for perfection”. The cuticles took longer, but if I rush them, they get cut up and so easily infected. Still, they were on the long side of “reasonable”, but wonderful for me. And while there were a couple of tiny nicks, it wasn’t much different than all the other little scratches I get on my hands all the time. Later, after having been triggered and as I was coming down from the anxiety attack, but not quite ready to join the cocktail hour because I was still shaking, I applied the press on nails. I accepted the imperfections, and holding the fake nail down to adhere was a great way to just focus on breathing and being still. Now, the false nails mean I’m less likely to do damage when I’m not aware that I’m trying to scratch or pick at myself. I’m also so much quicker to stop once I notice it, rather than getting stuck in a harmful compulsion because I don’t want to ruin the first manicure I’ve given myself this year. They aren’t perfect! They make me smile. It reminds me of the victory I had over my OCD to file without getting stuck or overly anxious. And, bonus, they are a deep emerald, like my birth stone, and they’ll probably still be looking good for my upcoming birthday. (Had to share the pic of my right hand to share peace ☮️ with you all. That’s the hand I wear the peace sign ring my dad made decades ago.) Strength and comfort to us all! 💪🏼💜