my pocd story

it’s really hard to describe my ocd because ocd always says that i’m not doing it right and that i’m lying to make myself look better. but i want to try because i want to feel less alone. i suffer with pocd and this is my first time experiencing sexual intrusive thoughts. they’re primarily focused on my little brother, and a lot of the thoughts are that he looks cute/nice. sometimes i think that the idea of a guy like him would be attractive if the guy was older and not related to me. but ocd simplifies this and says i’m calling my brother attractive. even if i am, i know that thinking someone looks good doesn’t mean you want to date them or hurt them, and the thoughts make me feel sick to my stomach. but part of me agrees that he looks nice, and my head goes “how nice does he look?” “do you mean that romantically or platonically?” “how do you know for sure?” and some days i don’t know how to cope with it, and other days i wonder if it’s really ocd at all or if i’m just a pedo. if anyone has any advice or just has experienced this i would love to know. ocd is so damn isolating.

thereishope:)

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 3y

Hello Spacecadet180! First of all - despite OCD feeling quite isolating as you mentioned, just know that you're not alone in facing this! If anything - I hope the Community page illustrates this! However, I know the isolating feeling of OCD all too well - so I sympathize with what you're going through. That being said, while I would consult a therapist first and foremost (since they're the experts), I imagine they may advise you to consider a few potential routes to manage these distressing thoughts - one being "thought diffusion" and the other being "exposure response therapy" (ERP). "Thought diffusion" is essentially reminding yourself that your thoughts are simply thoughts, and do not necessarily equal reality. In this context, your therapist may have you say to yourself (when you are having these thoughts) something like "I AM HAVING THE THOUGHT that my brother is attractive. The thought may cause me to feel various emotions, but they are all stemming from a THOUGHT that my brain generated, which is not necessarily reflective of reality." With ERP, they may have you write down / say out loud statements that encourage you to accept the distressing thoughts in order to prove to yourself that you can live your life in spite of these obsessions (for example, repeating a statement like "my brother MAY or MAY NOT be attractive, and this MAY or MAY NOT be romantic or platonic attraction. I can live with the uncertainty though." Once again, the goal is to remove the power behind the thought by helping you accept the chance that the thought may or may not be true (even if in reality it is nearly 100% false, OCD often latches on to the 0.000001% chance that it could be true). As I mentioned, a therapist would know best, but hope this helps! You're stronger than you realize, and just know you have a community of folks and a library of resources to help you manage this. It's not easy, but help is there! Stay strong my friend!

Spacecadet180

Date posted: 3y

thank u so much

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