I hate my brain

I love my religion. I always have. I’ve always strongly believed in it. But what I suspect to be pure O OCD with religious themes is ruining it. Every single day I go through the exact same questions over and over and over and over. “What if you’re brainwashed? What if you’re indoctrinated? What if you’re in a cult? What if you’re being irrational? What if your brain doesn’t work? What if you’re not actually a critical thinker? Why do you believe this? What if it’s all a lie?” None of these thoughts actually correlate with what I actually believe. If a person were to ask me any of those questions I could easily explain it. But why can’t my brain accept it? Why does it have to go over the exact freaking same questions over and over? I’ve been struggling with this for well over a year and a half now. It feels endless. At first they seemed like regular concerns/questions for a deeply religious person who’s growing and maturing. But it has crossed that point. I don’t want my life to be like this anymore. I indulge by reading accounts of ex-Christian’s who are now atheists and so on but doing this feels like a huge waste of time because I can read the same thing over and over again but nothing will change my basic beliefs. Reading what they say is not a choice but feels like an obligation. I have to read what they say and know every single thing about every single religion so that I can feel comfortable in my own. And I’ve done that. But why won’t it stop? I hate that I can’t think of anything else. I don’t enjoy anything. I can’t have a conversation with anyone without zoning out and retreating into my brain. I hate having to force myself to actually engage in life. I hate feeling like my brain doesn’t work. I hate my brain

Cesiah Herna...

Date posted: 3y

Hi there! I feel for you, and I know how evil can be this particular subtype with our beliefs. OCD likes to engage in the areas of your life that you care the most, so it engaged in your religion. It is important that you have already marked the difference between your beliefs and values, from your obsessions due to OCD. What you need to work now is not performing compulsions to prove you right, and prove wrong to those intrusive questions, as the ones you mentioned (reading, googling, rumination, etc). This work is not easy, which is why I strongly recommend you to look out for professional help. You can do that here at NOCD. Simply book a free 15 minute call or start by joining one of our support groups to see how it works. EPR helped so much to start enjoying my religious life without worrying of the intrusive thoughts that came to my brain, pretty similar to the ones you are having. I still have some, but by not engaging into compulsions, the anxiety lasts a very few moments and then I can continue enjoying my activities without so many distress as before. I encourage you to work through to reach the recovery, and live you life at the fullest. If I could, you DEFINITELY can! Be patient, and work as hard as you can. You are strong and powerful!

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

My brain hates me (18+)

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

Cammy123

Date posted: 6w

Religious OCD

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

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I hate my brain

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