Does anyone else feel like they are becoming someone different when going thru ERP? Like becoming someone that you don’t like or want to be? I feel like I don’t even know who I am, like I am starting to not care about things that I always cared about. I do not like this at all.

ERP is difficult, and it triggers a things in us we buried down deep. It’s also not for everyone. Look at the positives of what’s it’s given you. Even if those are realizations of your compulsions and triggers you didn’t know you had.

Thank you. I try to look at the positives, it just gets really hard sometimes.

I have ptsd mixed with my OCD so sometimes exposures aren’t going to work for me. Some themes sure, but not all. So I’m reassessing. But the positives were that I had a lot of triggers before and less now.

I have noticed that some of my triggers have gotten better, but on the flip side I have new triggers. So damn confused.

@Crystal ball Not to add to the stress but, for real it’s not for everyone and doesn’t work for everyone. So if you don’t have a real progression or hit a plateau it’s maybe something they can help with or you can find another way. I got really discouraged and thought this was my last hope but I’ve found other ways to get through it little by little. Wishing you the best. It’s a marathon that starts over every day.

@cj4ebay Yes it does.

I’m curious what you mean by “becoming someone that you don’t like or want to be”. I certainly feel like a different person but it’s someone with more clarity, confidence, and joy - mostly. That is someone I certainly want to be, even at the cost of who I used to be. It reminds me of a line from a song: “Forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain.”

It just seems like in order to get past these OCD fears (40+ years by the way), I can’t figure out who I am without them. If I don’t care, I know I can’t get hurt. I know that sounds horrible and selfish, and that is not who I am nor want to be. I’m just really really lost.

@Crystal ball I think it’s akin to being an alcoholic who has become a compulsive liar after getting sober. If you have ever met or gotten to know one of these folks they’ve lied constantly for potentially decades trying to hide their shame. Once they get sober, they try to hold themselves to a standard of not lying. But having spent so long lying, they no longer know what to say at all! I think we are in a similar situation. When I am successful in stopping my OCD I feel like something is missing, like my mind is empty, like I’ve become stupid, a million feelings well up. I feel like I’m a hollow person! There is no substance to me anymore. I don’t have an answer for you, I’m not your age and I’ve not been fighting this as long as you. I do trust that if I fill my mind and life with new, good things then these novel fears will gradually subside.