Been taking lexapro for 2+ weeks, feeling no changes and man my depression is getting unstable as hell. What other options do i have left? Struggling so bad

Hey bro, i saw your replies. I dont think i am in a ocd cycle, i genuinely believe this is real and im only afraid of embrassment and society. Ive been in this state of mind for a year now and i yhink until i let go of my ego and accept it it wont be over, i just feel really sick from all this anxiety and depression

@Imaan7 I’ve been in your place. I’ve tried to “accept” that I want to be a woman, but as soon as I “accept” it, I just feel sad and recognize that it’s all obsessive noise. So for you, even if you “accept” that you’re gay or transgender, you will never be okay with that. You will just keep fighting it and feeling horrible about yourself. You do have OCD; that is for sure. The problem is that OCD has you all confused about your identity, so you aren’t able to truly recognize that OCD is the problem. But I promise you: if you follow my advice, will you begin to feel better about yourself and, eventually, all of this will begin to seem like meaningless noise.

@Owen Roberts Im most likely gay at this point bc i think i really could go and date dudes and i dont even get bothered by it anymore, but the way i realized im gay was a traumatic experience with anxiety and ocd, i honestly think im also trans because as i understand about lgbt more and more I feel like thats where im supposed to belong and perhaps if being trans was more accepted in society maybe I wouldnt struggle this much accepting being trans myself. Sadly my depression is ridiculously painful atm, i dont know what to do about it

@Owen Roberts Im having lgbt issues now simply put

@Imaan7 I’m skeptical honestly. You don’t seem like a transgender person. Someone who’s trans would desire to actually change their body physically. That doesn’t sound like you. You just sound like you have a really bad case of OCD.

@Owen Roberts I dont know bro, i cant clearly think and put my thoughts into words. I dont feel like a man though and when i look back to my life before ocd ive always felt that im odd and different than regular people and i was just pretending to be someone i was not, obviously back then i didnt think i was trans or even gay but now it makes sense. I also have internal homo/transphobia which alot of people in denial have. I get triggered by girls in dresses and i feel like i want to wear them and such. I dont feel like a son to my own mother. I think my fear of being trans is coming from how its viewed in society and how difficult it would be for me to tell people and get over the embarassment of it, thats the reason for my depression now rather than ocd and losing my identity bc i dont think i had an identity to begin with. I dont feel anything when i look at myself in the mirror.

@Imaan7 You’re literally describing myself to me bro. I’ve always felt I was “odd” and “different.” People bullied the shit out of me, I had trouble making friends, and no matter what school I went to, people would react to me negatively in social contexts more often than not. Also, are you personally homophobic or transphobic? I used to be that way, but that’s because I was ignorant about what it means to be gay or transgender and I was heavily influenced by conservative religious nonsense. I also get triggered seeing girls wearing dresses, and it used to make me stare like someone in a fucking trance, but I was able to use ERP to reduce that tendency. Now seeing girls in dresses doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I believe you can do the same. And I relate to what you said about not seeing yourself as your mom’s son. Sometimes when I think about my dad, I’ll “not feel like his son.” It’s a sort of emasculated feeling. But all of that is OCD. And what I’ve said to you about your judgment being clouded because OCD is making you misunderstand the nature of the problem is correct. Your OCD is so bad that you can’t recognize fiction from reality. I’ve had TOCD for almost two years now, but in the past year, I’ve gone out with and kissed girls, and made a lot of new friends at college. When I’m with my guy friends, I have a great time talking about stuff and just having fun. None of these weird thoughts matter during those times. Why? Because it’s just OCD, and when you’re otherwise feeling good, it can’t bother you. Plain and simple: you have OCD and you will never feel better about yourself until you accept THAT and do your best to counter it.

@Owen Roberts Although i still believe im trans or definitely atleast gay but lets say it is ocd, how do I do break the cycle? Ive thought so much in the last 2 years that youre right i cant really tell whats real and fake anymore, well except I believe what i believe to be true and real if that makes sense to you. This depression is relentless bro, i sleep all day long or watch movies until im too tired to keeo going just to avoid feeling depressed, i legit cannot function and the medication hasnt worked yet either.

@Imaan7 You need to regulate your sleep schedule and you need to meditate. Pick a time that you want to fall asleep. Then, put all your devices somewhere else for the night (not in your bedroom). Then, go into your bedroom and shut off the lights. Sit in a chair or on the floor, doesn’t really matter. Just get comfortable. Then meditate for as long as you need to in order to feel mentally calm. To meditate, focus on breathing deeply in and out, and let your mind wander. Do not try to force away thoughts. Then go to sleep. When you get up, go for a walk. When you get back home, find something productive to do. Make yourself busy with tasks. Your mood will start to improve and you will begin to care less and less about your gender and sexuality obsessions. You literally have no clue the extent to which your sleep routine impacts your mental health. You subconscious absorbs anything and everything you do. If you treat yourself well, your subconscious minds responds to that. If you treat yourself like shit, your subconscious mind responds to that as well. Since you have OCD, which is not your fault, it becomes worse when your subconscious mind is under stress. You have to reverse stress in order to diminish the impact that OCD has on your life.

@Owen Roberts Its hard to sleep early because when i try to my mind races really badly and i twist and turn for hours before being able to sleep but i will try to meditate next time. Although i dont think its just an obsession anymore i will do these things, hopefully they work, thank you!

@Imaan7 Good luck

@Imaan7 How are you doing bro

@Owen Roberts Struggling bro, ive been sick too and havent done your meditation method. I will try to do it once my fever goes away. Its a damn mess rn

@Imaan7 Ok I recommend also trying meditation listening to Aggarwal brain frequencies on YouTube.

@Imaan7 Whats going on bud. You still on this app or nah?

@Owen Roberts - I would like to ask you a few questions, can you write me here?

@Renni25 Sure

@Owen Roberts - How can I write you in private ?😅

@Renni25 Id give you my phone # but how do i know ur not a bot or something

@Owen Roberts - I can give you my instagram if you want

@Renni25 I don’t have ig

@Owen Roberts - Other socials?